6 X INAPPROPRIATE FLIRTING (EH, NEIGHBOUR CAN YOU STOP PLEASE)

Look, we all like a bit of flirting, but then preferably with cute men. Flirting can be nice and fun and who knows the path it may take. But it can also go very wrong, because it sometimes comes from inappropriate places and that leads to heartbreakingly uncomfortable situations. The anthology.

Your teacher

A few years ago, I had an incredibly intense subject to get through in my literature studies that ended with an oral exam. I needed to somehow find a link between three million incomprehensible literary theories and a previously read list of equally incomprehensible novels. If you could not pass the oral exam, you did not pass the subject, so the pressure was pretty high. When I finally walked into my teacher’s office with chattering teeth and shaking knees, I found him lounging at his desk, feet on the table, hands folded behind his head. He told me to take my place in a sultry voice. His shirt was just one button too open, and I could see just a little too much chest hair. As the literary theories rushed through my head, he said “I want to hear you, tell me, I want to hear you speak” and he said it in such a way that made me, eh, nervous. He kept staring at me intensely and as I enthusiastically talked about novel X, he said nothing, did not even ask a single question, then after fifteen minutes he said “I’ve heard enough, you’ve passed. Obviously.” And did I want to stay for a cup of tea, which had me running for the door. I did pass the subject, but I’m not exactly sure why.

Your boss

My boss and I have a great relationship (hi May) and there is luckily no flirting whatsoever. But that is different when you work for a man. And especially in the more corporate world. I have heard stories about bosses who are a little too eager, from girlfriends who work in legal offices. Whatever happens, do not fall for it, because as long as you’re lower in the hierarchy it can be used against you.

Your doctor

There you are, paying a visit for a ‘female issue’, with legs spread in one of those torture chairs and he suddenly asks if you already have dinner plans for tomorrow. Ehm…

“The saying is ‘Rather a good neighbour than a far away friend’ but I’m not sure I totally agree.”

Your coach

Bending and stretching your sweating body in skin tight clothing a few times per week – attractive right? Especially if you have a muscly and incredibly hot fitness hunk as a coach. Just know that he probably does this with everyone and the last thing you want is to be known as the gym slut. Ignore him.

Your neighbour

The saying is ‘Rather a good neighbour than a far away friend’ but I’m not sure I totally agree. Imagine if your neighbour starts flirting with you and you don’t want anything to do with it, it could turn into a mega uncomfortable situation and avoiding him will be difficult. I once had a short lived romance with a guy that lived two houses away and once it was over, I almost didn’t dare to walk in my own street from fear of bumping into him.

Your best friend’s BOYfriend

The classic. There you all are, oh what shall I come up with, in a bar together and he starts feeling your butt as a joke first, and throws a wink in there to smooth it over but then later you receive an SMS with “God, you looked so hot this evening.” That is called a code red, stay FAR away and convince her in no uncertain terms to dump him, without explicit rehashing of the event of course.