monster of a wedding gown

One of the biggest irritations in my life (and you know, I have a few) is that women go for strapless wedding gowns en masse. Such a strange phenomenon that the word ‘wedding’ immediately conjures up ‘strapless’. No other single event identifies with a strapless dress like the wedding, and it’s bad news. The problem with strapless dresses is that 130% of the women who wear one, shouldn’t. Bits and bobs get pushed up and end up hanging over the edges, and simply not a good idea unless you have arms like Michelle Obama.

Although, aside from that, wedding gowns seems to be an extremely slippery slope to total crazy town. “Hip young women turn into kitschy princesses on their wedding day. Why?” asked the newspaper De Volkskrant this past weekend. Journalist Bregje Lampje went searching for answers to why so many women lose sight of any semblance of good taste when it comes to their wedding gown, and a few interesting theories came to light.

To start, let’s dissect the big difference between fashion and weddings; fashion is all about “the shape, the cut and the material, and great fashion is surprising and creative. Wedding gown rules seem to be the exact opposite, because it is all about tradition, repetition, clichés and swank, obviously.” A wedding gown should be romantic, there are traditions to adhere to, family history and such things. “Traditions and clichés offer a sense of stability” writes Lampe. And that’s another thing, who would actually dare to show up in an extravagant example on Their Big Day, which may totally miss the mark? And you’ll be looking back at photos of yourself (unless you end up in a terrible divorce) in a fashion statement from now, which will stay belonging to now so will more than likely end up being a pain on the eyes in 10 years time. Then there is that little matter of wanting to be the star on your wedding day. All eyes on the bride is not achieved by a subtle white gown.

All in all, extremely interesting. Especially programmes like ‘Say Yes To The Dress’ show us that taste and wedding gowns don’t always go hand in hand. One grotesque monster after another is hauled out of the cupboard, covered in glitter, feathers, sequins and god knows what else. And always strapless. Don’t do it. Thanks in advance.