DESIGNERS FOR DUMMIES

Admittedly, I had to figure out how to pronounce Proenza Schouler, and we all know that Versace doesn’t sound like ‘Versays’. Still, it’s useful to have a pronunciation cheat sheet in your It-bag, especially with New York, London, Milan, and Paris coming up.

The A is for Armani.
According to Italian custom, the emphasis usually lies on the penultimate syllable. So it’s Ar-Má-nee.
And, dear folk, the A for Acne is another great example. Pronounce as Ac-nuh, and never as Ac-né. That’s on your face if you’re out of luck. Acne hangs in your closet.

The B is for Bottega Veneta.
See the aforementioned. Sounds like Bot-té-ga Ve-né-ta.

The C is for… Chanel
Don’t pronounce as Channel like my best friend’s Indian auntie.
Carven, pronounce Car-vén, not cárven.

D is for Dior.
Pronounce like Dioggg. And Dior Homme sounds like Diogg Omm (so without the H).

E is for Etro.
Italian is so simple. Here too the emphasis lies on the penultimate syllable. If there are two then emphasise the first. So it’s É-tro, not È-tro or E-tró or whatever.

F is for Fendi.
Such happiness. There are almost no High Fashion brands that start with an F. Fendi really is one of the few in the business. And you’re almost Italian now, so your fashion mouth will say Fèn-dee without hesitation.

G is for Gucci.
Sounds like Gootchi, not Gukkey or Kutchey, or whatever people say.
The G is also for Gareth Pugh (pronounce like Pyooh)

H is of course for Hermès.
My French chef Agnès at Marie Claire used to have a heart attack when someone said Her-mè. It’s Èr-mess. Without the H, and with a distinct s.

I for Isabel Marant (so not Isabelle, and not MaranT, but Eesabèl Maran) and Issey Miyake. Issee Me-yah-kee. Easy, this I chapter.

J is for Junya Watanabe.
Stay calm, and follow the letters. Jun-ya Wa-tá-ná-bé.

No the K’s not for Kenzo. That would be too easy. The K is for Kinder Aggungi. Kinder is Kinder, you can do it. A-dyun-dyi. With the emphasis on the penultimate syllable.

The L is for Lanvin (Lahn-Van), Loewe (Lowebbe, really, it’s the way you pronounce it), Louis Vuitton (Louis Vee-ttohn), and Louise Beccara (penultimate stress, remember). Well, in the pocket.

The M is for Mary Katranzou (Mary Katranzoo, it’s actually quite simple), and Marchesa (an H after the C creates a hard sound, so it’s Mar-kay-sa), and Manish Arora sounds like Mah-nish Aro-raow, Moschino (it’s Mos-key-no people. Never say Mo-she-no, promise?), and Miu Miu is pronounced as Me-you Me-you. Pooh pooh.

Still got energy for the N?
Naeem Kahn = Nayeem Kahn
Nina Ricci = Nina Reetchi

Nozomi Ishiguro Tambourine I also didn’t find too easy. I’d guess it’s something like No-zó-me Ee-shee-goo-ro Tam-boo-rene. But perhaps it’s wisest to mumble this label, and evoke an in-crowd air.

O is for Olympia Le Tan which doesn’t require you to pronounce the final n.
The O’s also for Opening Ceremony. Though of course you know how to pronounce this. And you probably also know that it isn’t the opening session of fashion week.

The P is for Proenza Schouler. Only when I saw the documentary about these designers and heard them pronounce the it themselves, I could very (over?) confidently say it, and correct those who did so incorrectly. Which you’ll do now too. It’s Pro-Enza Scooler

There isn’t a single brand that will show their collection starting with a Q. Is it forbidden?

R is for Rachel Zoe, and not Rachel Zoey, but Rachel Zoh. With this you’ll get some bonus points, really. The R is also for Roksanda Ilncic, something like Ee-leen-tcheetsh.

The S is for Sonia Rykiel, which sounds like So-nee-ya Ree-Kyeel.

The T is for Thakoon (pronounce as Ta-kooon) and Threeasfour (pronounce Three as Four), and Tia Cibani (Teeya Tchi-ba-nee) and Tsumori Chisato is of course also part of the family, Tsoo-moh-ree Kee-sah-toh is the name. The T-zone, it remains a hassle.

The U is for Undercover, and that’s easy.

The V is for Vera Wang (sounds like Wang), and Veronique Branquinho (Veh-roh-neek Bran-kee-no), and Versace you already know.

The W is for We Are Handsome, and for Wood Wood, piece of cake.

Then now for the Y, it’s not an easy chapter. Yosutoshi Ezumi, for example. Here we go Yo-soo-toh-she Ee-zoo-me. Or Yeohlee which becomes Ye-oo-lee. And our old Yohji Yamamoto you pronounce as Yoshi Ya-ma-mó-to.

The Z is for Zadig & Voltaire (Zá-deeg & Vól-Tairr), and now for our dessert Zuhair Murad (Zoo-ha-eer Moo-rahd).
And now you’re fashion week proof.