PRETTIEST DRESS OF THE CLASS
Prettiest dress of the class
Only 12 hours after I’d arrived on Dutch soil, I was treated to the Golden Globe Awards. Such a great award show where everyone pretends it’s about the prizes, when in fact it’s all about the dresses. The evening began spectacularly. A sewage pipe burst which regurgitated dark stuff all over the red carpet, which you really want to avoid when dressed smartly. And people present said it didn’t smell like a picnic. Thankfully, there came the Beverly Hills Fire Department to clean up the mess, which allowed the ladies and gentlemen to walk a clean red carpet and showcase their carefully selected dresses. Because as I already said, the original reason for the Golden Globes interests me medium, I decided that today, I’d hand out awards for things that are much more important: What. Were. They. Wearing?
Award for the ‘how could this have happened?!’ dress
Without a doubt for Heidi Klum. She wore a Marchesa dress with a floral print and see-through details, but it’s mostly the necklace that messes everything up; it’s a kind of collar with a pendant which makes it seem as though she walked straight out of 1993. Her extremely boring makeup and haircut finished it off. She was incredibly happy with her look because right before it all started she tweeted a ‘thank you’ to her team of makeup artists and stylists. Do they all have shit in their eyes to allow her going outside like this?
Award for the ‘but this is a surprise’ dress
Taylor Swift is usually glued shut to her sequined dresses, but this time, chose a beautiful and stylish Carolina Herrera dress. Completely different from what we’re used to seeing her in, and quite the improvement if you ask me.
Award for the ‘very risky and almost a success’ dress
Paula Patton. Absolutely the most risky creation of the evening: a tight white dress from Stephane Rolland with an enormous ruffle from shoulder to ankle. Everything present in this dress could make it a huge failure, but surprisingly, it actually looks rather cool. But the dress itself is rather theatrical and I find it an eternal waste that she decided to pair it with excessive jewellery. Especially the shoes I really don’t like. Charlotte Olympia’s white platform pumps turn it into something so heavy and unnecessarily hefty. So almost a success. Almost.
Award for the ‘girl, will you be able to walk through the doorway’ dress
Sofia Vergara wore a Zac Posen dress that what so large it really made me wonder how on earth she managed to leave her hotel room. A beautiful turquoise statement necklace and enormous cleavage are the cherries on top of the cake.
Award for the ‘yeah, we already know this by now’ dress
Lupita Nyong’o (of who I’d never heard, but according to Wiki she’s a Kenian actress and film producer) wore a coral red strapless dress from Ralph Lauren which had a sort of cape. Practically the same like Gwyneth Paltrow’s Tom Ford dress that she wore during the Oscars in 2012, and Lana Del Rey during the MET gala in same year. I admit, Lupita looked beautiful, but it’s time for something new, and we’ve got to be strict. No one said it was going to be fun.
Award for the ‘such a cliché, but still so beautiful’ dress
Kate Beckinsale wore a glittering, shiny Zuhair Murad mermaid dress: tight on the top, flaring from the knees onwards. A dress like this we’ve seen unimaginably often (with as ultimate low Beyoncé in Givenchy during the MET gala in 2011 when she wore a dress that was so tight around her knees that she had to shimmy her way up the stairs), but in Kate’s case I think it’s really rather beautiful. A messy yet thought-through hairstyle, simple black clutch and black nails to top everything off.
Award for the ‘kind-of-really-brave-but-you-shouldn’t-have’ dress
This award has to go to Emma Watson. She wore a Christian Dior creation in the form of black trousers with a red wrap gala dress on top. Or something like that. Perhaps I’m a bit too narrow-minded, but I really don’t like it.
Award for the ‘Became An Internet Rage Within A Minute’ dress
The internet usually really loves Jennifer Lawrence. There are countless gifs of her, and big websites like imgur.com unanimously named her as their idol. But the dress she wore yesterday caused much commotion in the negative sense of the word, and within no-time kind of a lot of hilarious parody photos emerged. And a new meme was born.
Award for the ‘I’m going to look this dress to a success’ dress
Kelly Osbourne appeared in a black Escada dress that was too boring. Tight around the waist, a high split, and golden details on the shoulders. Sounds fine, but kind of really meh. But Kelly acted like she was mad; she put her hand on her hips, got out the inner Beyoncé, and looked sultry and très seductive into the lenses, et voila, no one minded the dress.
