Iconoclasm

Ahhh the Oscars, it escaped no one’s notice. Allow me to start by saying that it’s of course a disgrace that Leonardo hasn’t won an Oscar. But really, such a disgrace. The evening began just like with the Golden Globes quite spectacularly: with rain. And rain + hairdos + makeup + very expensive dresses = always great gloating. Then, we all know that 12 years a slave won the prize for Best Film, and that Lupita was the Best Supporting Actress or that Gravity won just about every prize. But just like the Golden Globes, I mostly care about what the ladies are wearing (the gentlemen not so much, smoking schmoking, they all look the same) so I’m handing out my own prizes. Here they come.

Award for the ‘The-High-Expectations-Gracefully-Met’ dress

Without a doubt for Lupita Nyong’o. During the Golden Globes in January I’d never heard of her and now, two months later, she’s absolutely the talk of the town, and everyone knows her. She appeared the past few months in beautiful creations and last night was no exception. In a light blue princess-like Prada creation (sister brand to Miu Miu for which she’s the face) appeared on the red carpet and gave everyone goosebumps. I’m incredibly curious who her stylist is, and perhaps this lady can also take care a bit of Liza Minnelli because some things didn’t go quite right there.

Award for the ‘No-No-No-No-No-No’ dress

Obviously for Liza Minnelli. And it isn’t really so much a dress rather than a suit, and really not a suit but a kind of bag with crinkles. Honestly, I dont understand this at all. So you’re Queen of all the gays, and you show up looking like this? She also didn’t put on a bra which is of course extremely feministic and do whatever you please, but hello, you’re at the Oscars and your girlfriends are almost touching the floor. So, no no no no no no no.

Award for the ‘Dear-Heaven-Where-Have-You-Been-All-That-Time?’ dress

There he was, Harrison Ford, quite crumpled and greyer than ever before because he’s already 71 years old. His wife Calista Flockhart (who stopped with television years ago but always fondly remembered as the super charming and neurotic Ally McBeal) is 50 years, but jeez she looked hot. She wore a white Andrew Gn dress with gorgeous embroideries and all kinds of small details, but especially a fit that wa to die for. Now Calista also has a figure to die for, so Calita, please hit another red carpet soon because this leaves us wanting more.

The evening began spectacularly: with rain + hairdos + makeup + very expensive dresses = always great gloating

Award for the ‘Kind-Of-A-Risk-But-Very-Successfully-executed’ dress

The dress that Camilla Alves wore contained everything to become a total disaster. Way too much fabric, long sleeves, and kind of a really complicated fit. But Camilla is averse from failure and turned out to be my favourite of the evening. She was definitely the star of the evening with her eyes to infinity and an Oscar nominated and winning husband on her side.

Award for the ‘Hasn’t-Worked-In-100-Years-But-Gorgeous-Dress’ dress

Jennifer Garner is mostly preoccupied with raising her children with Ben Affleck, and we haven’t seen her for ages on the silver screen. In fact, some evil tongues claim Ben doesn’t want his sweet to perform in a film because it would disrupt the family’s inner tranquility. Anyway, Jennifer attended yesterday and was even allowed to give away a statue and did so in an absolutely gorgeous dress from Oscar de la Renta which seemed to come right out of the 20s.

Award for the ‘I’m-Can’t-Stop-Looking-At-It’ dress

Kate Hudson is a woman that hardly manages to impress with her daily outfits, but who will go up to the nines when she’s hitting a red carpet. Now was no exception, I’ve looked at dozens of photos of her because man oh man she’s. So. Pretty. Dressed in Atelier Versace, draperies back and front, an open back, plunging cleavage, and everything in silvery silk with hundreds of hand-placed beads. Kate gets 10 champagne glasses.

Look, I’d like to address all of the dresses. But somewhere between dream and actuality, there are laws and practical objections, like a big poet once said so this will be it for now. For those who feel like more (duh) click here and enjoy 150 photos of dresses & suits. Enjoy!