After I went through all the Golden Globes photos for this post yesterday, and after dishing out some constructive criticism here and there, I suddenly began to wonder. Because if you enjoy as much money and fame like Heidi, and so you’re able to afford the best stylists and prettiest clothes, how can it still go so horribly wrong? It’s a rather depressing prospect for common mortals like myself, who don’t have a team of experts around them, and so have to decide themselves which outfit to yank from the closet in case of a red carpet event. So today in the Explorer: how on earth to accomplish a red carpet worthy look.

We’ll start with two important things. First, what you wear is of importance, and second how you wear it is of equal importance.

 1. The Dress

As I already mentioned, the big stars on this planet get racks of couture dresses sent to their hotel rooms. But free clothing, that only happens when you’re a real big shot. A big star in your dress is of vital importance. Elie Saab’s career took epic proportions when Halle Barry accepted the Oscar for Best Female Actress back in 2002 as first Afro-American woman ever. However, it can also lead to a lot of hassle. During last year’s Oscars, Anne Hathaway was supposed to wear a Valentino dress, which the brand communicated eagerly in a press release, though in fact, and much to the surprise and anger of Valentino’s PR department, Anne showed up in a Prada dress.

If you can expect media exposure during your event, it might pay off to act bold and ring up a couple of shops whether you can borrow something. You’ll get quite far if you’re willing to pay a small compensation. Not really expecting media exposure? Well, the good thing is that the pressure to look tiptop decreases drastically, and you can perhaps just go for something you like. In any case, stay away from synthetic and other shiny fabrics if you don’t have a perfectly trained body because downward lighting (hard to avoid) magically brings out all your rolls of fat. Also keep in mind not to wear see-through fabrics. Someone might take your photo a couple of times, and nothing’s worse than see-through underwear. Don’t break the dress code, clothe yourself with your body in mind (you aren’t Doutzen Kroes, which isn’t a problem, but then don’t dress like her), and most of all: own the dress.

2. Posture

The following applies mostly to those who dare to brave photographers, though this might also apply to those who are only drinking a glass of champagne without any lenses focused them. All Big Stars have a signature pose. Renee Zellweger (always in a Carolina Herrera dress) usually has one hand on her thigh whilst elegantly curtsying, the Olson Twins always pout on photos, and Victoria Beckham’s pose is quite iconic; one leg in front of the other, her hip theatrically popped out, and often two hands on her waist or one on her hip.

And then there’s Angelina Jolie’s leg, which was très thought-through during the Oscars of 2012, and soon even had its own Twitter account that had more than 10.000 followers within no-time (though it’s been cancelled, unfortunately). Emily Blunt, Amanda Seyfried, Hilary Swank, and Kate Winslet all get lessons in how to pose, which is often coordinated with the dress. Previous to the event, not only the dress is fitted endlessly, but the pose is also practised in their hotel rooms. Which you should do as well. Wear the dress in front of a mirror, or better even, put your camera on self-timer and film yourself walking into the room, turning, posing, or whatever.

Finally, you’ve got the dress, and the pose is to die for? Here are some useful tips and tricks to get you through the evening.

• Chose for a white ensemble? Don’t forget to take along pieces of white chalk in your bag. If there happens to be a stain, use the chalk to cover it up.
• This useful stick is your light on dark days with regards to difficult zippers. With Zipper Ease, your zipper runs smoothly, and so you won’t rip it by accident forcing you to stay in the lavatory all night until the last guest left and you can silently make your exit.
• It’s very tiring to smile and talk all evening long, and especially a dry mouth leads to very unflattering photos. Which is why those who do a lot of red carpets put a bit of vaseline on their gums so that they can easily smile all evening.
• Spanx. Or something similar. Everyone, fat or thin, wears corrective underwear. It works miracles for your posture and figure, and I don’t really need to say much more, you’re nowhere without Spanx.

Ladies, enjoy!