Allow me to start with the following: a woman should dress for themselves and never for a man. My feministic upbringing is hard to suppress for I get really nervous when women judge clothing items as something that would either please or scorn men. You’ve got to wear it, not him. “Yes, but he has to look at it” they’ll say and and a discussion ensues which makes me roll my eyes and dismiss them shortly afterwards. But even I think that it doesn’t hurt to put in a bit of effort for your (potential) hubbie, and I think The First Date is quite a crucial moment. Which is exactly what’s central in this Explorer: what to wear during the first date and what not to wear. I scoured the internet but also surveyed my own male friends and came to clarifying conclusions.

This is what men say

Of course you shouldn’t wear UGGs. You shouldn’t be wearing them anyway, but especially not on a date. “I associate UGGs with the Bold and the Beautiful. Girls that watch that often also wear UGGs” someone said to me, and I don’t think you want to be a BATB girl. Sneakerwedges are also not welcomed with open arms. “Girls who can’t choose between heels and Nikes. That’s been going on for about two years and I still don’t understand why. When someone arrives in those shoes it’s enough reason for me to think ‘okay, fine, you’ll pay for the drinks and afterwards I’m out.’ I really can’t stand them.” The shoes you’re wearing are strikingly important, my panel makes clear. “It’s okay for her to wear a garbage bag, just as long as she’s wearing high heels underneath. But if she comes to the date wearing UGGs or wedge sneakers then we’ll do a 180.” Please note, all of this comes from different men.

Now for the clothing. You might have expected it: harem trousers. “Diaper pants! With a very low crotch! Not exciting. It’s something for mothers who live at IJburg, a bit like kayyy I’ve given birth and I’m readyyy.” Another thing men don’t like are “leftist second-hand junk. Making up for things by purchasing cheap stuff. I get a fit whenever I see types like these.” An often heard complaint, almost everything that once belonged to Episode or Zipper is appreciated medium. Another friend was quite passionate about jeans with all kinds of weird washes. “Just wear a normal fit, nothing over-the-top. Just like jeans were meant to be.”

But take note, don’t go nuts with tight dresses and big bosoms. “It shouldn’t look like I’ve paid to go on a date with her. So there’s no need for too big a cleavages, shorts that look like belts or intensely coloured bras underneath see-through shirts.” Though this doesn’t mean that you should hide yourself, it’s kind of a balance. “Be proud. My friends and I get really annoyed when we see the current cover up technique.” Personally, I’d say: a healthy dose of common sense and a critical, honest friend that wants what’s best for you is all you should wish for.  

But what to wear?

Femininity! Dresses! Skirts! Beautiful heels! Pretty much everything they can’t wear themselves — with a few exceptions, of course. Colourful clothing is a go (we’ve got a date and not a job interview so leave that boring grey and black at home or at the office”). Show your female curves. It doesn’t have to be an Hervé Leger dress, but Céline-ish boxy looks, men don’t like. And, which I heard quite often, be confident. Whatever you wear, own the look.

Then, finally, some free extra bonus tips to make sure the date becomes a great success. Check your bag and make sure the following things aren’t missing.

• Lip balm. Because burst lips are such a nuisance to look at, and, above all, aren’t very kissable.
• Deodorant. You probably left home too last minute because of your panic attacks in front of the mirror which means that your great hurry of a bike ride gave you a rather curious body odour.
• Cash money. I could fill books with who’s-paying discussions. No matter how feministic and everyone-is-equal-ish I am, men should pay for the first dinner. If only because you already put so much money in making sure you look va va voom. New clothes, wax job, nails, eyebrows, lashes, hair – when you think about it, it’s ridiculous what the average woman thinks she needs before going on a date. But, and here’s my feminist streak again, you should at least be able to pay for your own dinner. And make sure you’ve got enough for the taxi afterwards because he was such an oaf in suggesting you should split the bill.
• Extra foundation or powder. Just imagine, the date is a success and you’re staying the night. Then it’s kind of great to cover up the worst bags under your eyes the morning after.
• Condom. Because duh. It’s so old-fashioned to think you can’t have sex after the first date. Don’t expect him to have some because men would never propose to use a condom. That’s up to you. Which you usually have to repeat.

Right, that’s about it. Use the abovementioned in your advantage and happy hunting I’d say!