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Dating for Dummies

MEN, THIS IS HOW YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO IT

The first date. It’s exciting. And danger is always lurking around the corner. Especially for you, but also for him. Having done research for years, and after asking around among my Facebook girlfriends, I’ve come up with this list of Things You Shouldn’t Do During A Date. Boys, I’d say. Print and memorise. You’ll thank me later.

  1. Telephones should be nowhere near the table during a date. Now I’ve got to admit that it sometimes looks like I’m dating my phone, but even I put it away on moments like these. The did-you-already-kiss-apps are done in the loo.
  2. Don’t ever talk about your ex. It’s in the past, we don’t need it, and it’s so annoying. Hellooo, I’m in front of you now?
  3. Eat nicely
    and best read this if you want to know what you should order.
  4. Please don’t comment on what I’m ordering. If I feel like having fish with the sauce separate or salad instead of fries then let me be. Just so you know.
  5. Don’t order fizzy drinks. You really shouldn’t drink coke or orange juice at the beginning on a possible romance. And no mint teas. HELLO!
  6. Oh and by the way, don’t drink sweet women drinks. Real men drink grappa or cognac.
  7. Don’t give any tips. Men, should always give tips. And don’t ask us for some change.
  8. Arrive on slippers.
  9. When saying goodbye to your date at your place, don’t ask whether I’d like to take out the rubbish (this actually happened, not to me, but to a Facebook girlfriend).

You’d almost think I can only think of negatives, but that’s not the case.

Pay attention to what I’ve just said and you’ll have me, and most of my friends, convinced.

  1. Order wine. Take the lead. ‘Shall I fill the table with some bites?’ or ‘shall we begin with oysters?’ Something like that.
  2. Pay for first dates. Even better when that happens without the other person realising it. So when you walk to the lavatories, why not swipe your credit card.
  3. If you talk nicely about your mum, you’re probably also a nice guy.
  4. Be kind to the staff, but nothing too extravagant. Especially not to that pretty, blonde waitress.
  5. It would be great if you sent us quite soon a ‘it was great’ text. Text, not what’s app.

And if I really like you a lot then I won’t mind you arriving in flip flops or drinking Sambuca. You see. Us women aren’t the most complicated. I really don’t understand why people keep insisting.