what my father taught me

6 useful life lessons

I have paid tribute to my mother and even my fashion mothers here at Amayzine but there is one other person that I quote at least once on a daily basis when it comes to life lessons and advice; my father. I’ll share them with you for the simple reason that they may be of use to you some day.

Don’t ask people what they said but what they mean

This I think is the most valuable advice. You often only understand people when things are put into perspective. Words are just words, try to empathize with a person’s feelings and envision how they see you. Then you might see that something that sounded unkind was really nice intentionally.

You learn the most from uncomfortable situations

When I was suffering from a heartache I always thought; “ At least I’ll get thinner.” (I’,m familiar with backbites). But if a colleague suddenly under preforms/my neighbors contractor kits the drainage of my shed without asking/ when I can’t see eye to eye with my sister-in-law or I hear that my daughter is having a tough time at school; I console myself with the thought that I am going to fix it somehow and that this will help me in the future. Dealing with uncomfortable situations forms me and provides me with ammunition for similar situations in the future. Although you’ll see that it’s always a different problem that arises…

Make sure you’re at the office before the boss

At least 15 minutes beforehand. It shows that you are eager and reliable making you more probable to opportunities than your sleepy colleague.

Sometimes you are allowed to be tough

I must add  that my father is a seafarer and that rules apply when 20 men are stationed on one ship or else all hell will break loose. I once accompanied my father when the third steersman attempted to steer the ship with a bottle of beer in his hand. Big mistake. How could you do that when you are responsible for 20 people, the load and a 15 million dollar ship? My father was, mildly put, clear. “If you wipe your ass with my orders, I wipe my ass with your contract.” It almost looked like a scene from a movie. I thought my father was really cool. And everything was smooth sailing from then on.

Turn every moment into a party

My father was away from home six months on end but when he was home it was a blast. On Mondays he made me ready-made croissants, he stuck little flags in my sandwiches and when he took us to school he made up songs and he took us to a restaurant that served a surprise menu. Now my father looks after our children and I see him coloring in a coloring book early in the morning with my middle daughter. He lights a candle for each of my girls and draws funny faces on their juice packets.

Presence in absence

During the most important moments of our lives my father was always at sea. My mother gave birth twice by herself and I don’t recall his presence at any of the family funerals. He honored them at sea, by lighting a candle and saying a prayer.

Annie passed away recently, the wife of that man who called my father his ‘sea-dad’, during is first years at sea he always took care of my father. My parents were away for the weekend and had missed the card announcing the funeral. Thank goodness my father had sent Annie a bouquet of flowers that day. I was placed on the coffin. This way he is always there, even without being physically present.

I’ll conclude my lessons with a quote from my brother. With a heavy heart my father told him he wouldn’t be able to make it on his birthday. My brother (he must have been around eight years old) said: “ That’s okay, because you came last year.”