DIFFICULT EMAILS

And how to handle them in 6 easy steps

Someone sends you an email that gets your blood boiling with seven people in cc. Well you can’t just let someone diss you. Enter; a brief lesson in writing difficult emails.

You have to let the message sink in before answering. I understand you want to bare your teeth immediately and type away your frustration. But how often do you have one of those ‘if only’ moments when you come up with something better to say afterwards? Besides it’s better to give the mailer the impression they are not your only project and that you have more important matters to deal with. Just let them hang for a while.

Well, at least as short as possible. Important people do not have the time to read long epistles and to be honest I tune out if the mails are too long. It might just turn into a did-too/did-not session. So don’t go there. Think in solutions and think big.

I always think it unscrupulous to put people in CC when a conflict is involved. Of course if it’s a group thing cc’s come in handy or if you want to add a third party. But in the case of a dispute it’s like you can’t handle it on your own. Not cool. Your opponent will probably cc the whole conversation ensuring your brilliant comments and analysis are read anyway.

I once sent a mail at 05:30 am. I had been lying awake all night and decided to press ‘send’ early in the morning. To make it more credible I even started with: After a good night sleep. If you send your emails in the middle of the night or as I did, very early in the morning, your opponent will know he got to you. So you can sit down to write it at any hour you want but wait before pressing ‘send’ until 09:15.

It is tempting to send you trashy mail to a friend along with a juicy analysis. But beware for you might be walking on thin ice. A sweet editor responded to a mail from an annoying photographer (he had given me a hard time and she wanted to show her support), she wanted to send it to me but it ended up in the photographer’s mailbox. Ouch. My publisher once described one of the people she worked for as a ‘ skinny bitch’ and that also ended up in the wrong mailbox. Thank god it was in Dutch and that they couldn’t read it and that Google translate didn’t exist at the time. So don’t go there.

If you really want to solve something, pick up the phone. When hearing each other’s voice people are drawn to reconciliation. Emails can be misunderstood and can worsen the conflict. Calling also makes you strong, as you are not afraid to take on the confrontation. After that you can always confirm or summarize your discussion by mail so that everything is clear. Now is a good time to use that cc.

Go get’m tiger.