EMBARRASSING THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN A GUY SLEEPS OVER

It’s all very lovely, waking up together. But sometimes it’s annoying for him to see you as your mortal self instead of the luscious beer drinking goddess that of course you are. Spend a couple of nights together and the following is sure to happen. Whether you like it or not.

peeing sound

I always find this awkward. You sit down on the toilet and disturb the serenity with the sound of pee. I have tried out quite a few acrobatic positions to minimize the sound but now I just drown it out by turning on the tap.

farting in your sleep

Only to wake up from the sound of your own fart and then put on an act that would probably have won you a Golden Globe. The ‘I’m sleeping so it wasn’t me’ version complete with sleepy movements and heavy breathing. So transparent.

Make-upless morning face

Yesterday it was all va-va-voom with your perfectly applied fake lashes and smooth skin. In the morning your mascara sticks together so you can barely open your eyes, your pillow has the same tone as your last night face and zits roam free. Charming.

Mascara on your cheeks

That’s after your morning shower. The average male bathroom doesn’t have pots and tubes and things. Leaving you to try and remove your mascara smudges with a mix of toothpaste and shaving gel. I once found myself in a male bathroom, my cheeks black with mascara. There was nothing I could use to remove it except shaving cream. So that’s what I did. I applied it waited a few seconds and wiped it off with toilet paper. Not very nourishing for your skin and it gave me a rash. Not cool.

dragon breath

A friend who stayed over after a night of drinking and cigarettes asked me: ‘Is my breath as bad as yours?’. First thought; AS IF. But we ended up laughing so hard we had a great time afterwards. So it’s best to make a joke out of it because nobody’s breath smells likes roses when they wake up.  I sneak out of bed sometimes to brush my teeth but that’s cheating.

ugly underwear

When going out you usually wear your best set of lingerie. But if the ending up in bed together wasn’t part of the plan and it was just an ordinary weekday? You might be wearing your old comfortable ones, the one with the hole in it. Oops. One time I was wearing bikini bottoms as everything else was in the laundry. Of course this was the night I got lucky. I said something in the line of swimming lessons but he probably thought I was a slob that didn’t do the laundry often enough.