My boob is bigger than his head.” A friend of mine had just given birth and this was her first text. She goes on: “Actually my boobs are bigger than my head.”

Everyone romanticizes becoming a mother and forgets about all the vomiting, pain, swelling and blood it costs the mother to get her offspring to the other side of her bellybutton. For those of you who think we don’t care what we look like when having a baby. You’re wrong. We always want to look our best, even then. What am I saying? Especially then. So here are some tips to give birth beautifully.

shave away

Even if you can’t see your own vajayjay, you know your way around. Or go to a waxing salon. Don’t worry they’ve seen worse. Get rid of the landing strip. Your baby will have no trouble finding its way without it.

to the salon

If you stop by a nail salon you’ll see you’re not the only pregnant woman in there. Have your nails done, hands and feet. And while you’re there have your eyebrows and lashes done. You’ll be totally birth proof.

pick an outfit

“Why do women always wear a faded Mickey Mouse T-shirt?” my friend M asked me when we were watching a delivery room program. “You won’t wear that, will you?” My answer was of course no. Buy yourself a cute outfit that gives easy access to the places needed and can also be worn the days after. You won’t be in ship shape condition right away (that will take about nine months, sorry) so invest in tricot. I was very happy with clothes by Humanoid. Nice tricot that looks presentable even if you just stepped out of bed.

boobs

There are few things more unattractive than breastfeeding bras. They have a flap to expose your nipple at feeding time. Just wear a shirt with buttons or something you can easily pull up or down.

Hair

My mother washed her hair when she felt the first contraction. And yours truly had also promised her hair stylist she would give birth beautifully and pulled out the curling iron when her contractions started. I didn’t even want to step into the shower, as I didn’t want to wet my hair. But the pain won me over and the curls got washed away. I did have a small toiletry bag tucked under my pillow with a few lifesavers like Touche Éclat, a powder, mascara and a light gloss.

Parfume

This is off limits as it is important for the baby to become familiar with you scent after birth. But a little hair perfume won’t do any harm nor will body lotion, just on your legs.

Did everything on this list go wrong for you? No worries. The glow of a new mother and the scent of a newborn baby are beyond anything available in a bottle, even the most expensive ones.