It is, closely after Instagram and Whatsapp, my most frequented app. It’s called Followers + and if I can give you some advice: stay away from the fire. Your life will never be the same.

Jet, my best friend and the trendsetter that she is, already had it long before me. “What da Fek (sorry, that’s just how it rolls on the editing floor). A childhood friend has just unfollowed me. We went on holidays together for years and now this.” Decisive as ever, she mailed the old bestie and asked why. “Why? I’m just not into the ‘green juice’ thing.” Well Okaaaay, then.

At first I considered myself ’too old’ and ’too wise’ for this type of app. But when I had more than 10,000 followers, I of course wanted to know how many followers I had exactly (and not just in lots of one hundred). And there I was, I had fallen into the Follower + trap. And has my life become more enriched as a result of this ….

I was also unfollowed by a freelance colleague that we often hire in. Why?

I’ll just explain what the Followers + app entails. It’s kind of like the GDP of your Instagram account. It counts your average number of likes per photo, your total number of likes, your followers, your ‘ghost followers’ (for example those without an active account but still like peeking at us Insta-junkies). The logic of Followers + is not completely clear to me, because sometimes my popularity can be reduced by 0.007, but my fame value is increased. Anyway, it all seems very amusing, until you click on the button ‘lost followers’. And that, my dear Amayzine-girlfriends, can be shocking.

I had been unfollowed by someone from a PR agency with whom I always had good contact, so I thought. If you ask me, you’d think that if you worked in PR you would want to befriend me and in turn have me follow you. I just don’t get it. I was also unfollowed by a freelance colleague that we often hire in. Why? As a freelancer you’d want to keep a little eye on us and stay in the loop right? A ‘known’ girlfriend of mine was unfollowed by someone who had just requested an interview with her. So it’s more than understandable that she turned that interview down.

Why would you block me? You can also just ignore me.

The Followers + app can give you even more sleazy information. But then you have to pay for it. Yesterday I agreed to give another €1.99 to iTunes to see who has blocked me. That was one person. Why would you block me? You can also just ignore me. It’s not that I stalk this guy or anything. I had never even heard of the guy. There are also people who have ‘liked’ my first hundred pictures and then gone through and ‘unliked’ them again. Why? It’s only because I had seen it in the app, otherwise I would never had noticed that a photo had 373 ‘likes’ instead of 374. And then there’s the thought that person probably sitting there with sweat on their upper lip and steam coming from their ears busily unliking everything.

Meanwhile someone else from the editing team, Joss has also signed into Followers + and we hear her also regularly calling out “but why ?!”. Then we immediately know what’s going on. Unfollowed by another known person. Or an ‘unlike’. Or a whatever else.

If I could give one piece of advice: stay away from this app. Your life will no longer be fun.