Help, I’m pregnant!
how to stay one of the girls
No, I’m not talking about myself. Gotcha there, didn’t I? It’s a response to an email I received from a very cute Amayzine-reader who is 28 and the first of her friends to get pregnant. She asked me how she could prevent herself from being seen as a nagging cow by her friends. In other words: how to be pregnant and cool.
forbidden words: ‘we are pregnant’
Standing firmly on this one. Do not say ‘we’re pregnant’. Your partner isn’t allowed to say it either, not out loud anyway. You are pregnant, he planted a seed, and that’s all there is to it.
don’t talk in weeks
You know exactly how long you have been pregnant but nobody understands about keeping time in weeks, at least not if you’ve never been pregnant. Just say: ‘about three months’ or ‘I’m taking leave in two weeks’. These are phrases your friends will understand.
don’t talk about your pregnancy unasked
You are the underdog if you are the first of your friends to get pregnant. Every word you say puts you on the you’re-no-longer-one-of-us bench. So if they ask, answer. If they don’t let it rest.
don’t complain unless it’s funny
Complaining is never a good idea, unless you’re mocking yourself. A friend of mine once threw up behind a tree in a posh shopping street. And a colleague got sick at a Chanel show. She got up, vomited outside of the Grand Palais, took a mint and sat down again in her seat at the front row. As if nothing had happened. These are great stories to share, if asked of course.
you’re not ‘mama’
Referring to yourself as ‘mama’ is asking for a penalty. Or detention. The only person you are a mama to is your baby. Basta.
no baby shower
Unless your friends really enjoy doing this for you don’t make them. Just don’t. A close friend once went to a shower with a heavy heart as it took an hour by car to get there. When she ordered a soda her friends looked at her and asked in chorus: Are you pregnant? She said she wasn’t and that she was just driving.
Another lesson here. Try not to persuade someone to tell you there’re pregnant. Let them tell you in their own good time.
after birth
Same recipe: talk when asked. And don’t drag on about it. I once visited a friend who had just become a mom the same night I ended my relationship. I stood in the doorway crying. “Wine?”, my friend S asked. “But I came to see Skip”, I blubbered through my tears. “He’ll be around for a while. Let’s deal with this first.” Best friend ever. Furthermore we know moms think it’s breaking news when their little tike burps, turned around for the first time of filled his diaper. But your friends don’t need this information. Be honest. Would you be interested to know this stuff about their babies?
Go on. Be a cool gal with kids. Not a mama. Understand? Share your nursery stories with your mother or other moms. They enjoy it.
