how to cope with a fight
A very good friend of mine called. She had just received an email from her mother in law. The words were so harsh she had to sit down. It was a culmination of events in a situation that had been derailed for years. You can’t really remember why you are so angry with each other but everything is interpreted the wrong way. Fighting with a loved one can feel like love sickness. But resque is on the way.
ACCEPT THE SORROW
Try not to hide it or stow it away. Fights are stupid and they hurt. So bring in the wine, hand over the chocolates and feel sorry for yourself.
AT EASE
If you receive a similar mail, a letter or whatever, the best thing you can do is take a time-out. Don’t react, step away from the fire. Everything you do at that very moment can and will be held against you. Let it go.
CALL A FRIEND PART 1
Tell all, the whole story from your point of view, brush aside all your own unkindness for a moment. Let her dislike your opponents and think you are great. For now you need someone that’s totally on your side.
CALL A FRIEND PART 2
Your wound has stopped bleeding. It’s time for the first step towards healing. Call another friend and tell her a more realistic version of the story. Try to be honest about what you could have done better or what you should and shouldn’t have said. Giving her everything she needs to advise you wisely.
dEVILS ADVOCATE
You only reach this stage after a few days or even weeks. But try to empathize with the other party. How does this person see you? What impact has this situation had on her?
TRY TO LOVE YOUR ENEMY
Enemy is a big word but you get what I mean. Even though you’d rather curse them of to inner Mopngolia, try to see the good in that person. A son forgave his father’s murderer, why? Because it brought him peace. Living in forgiveness feels much better than living in hate. If only for that reason. The road to a solution is not as bumpy if you assume the good in people.
COME TOGETHER
This is tricky. Some situations need time. A lot of time. Be patient, try to be nice and hold out a life line for important days.
In a different situation you might approach the person and let them know what’s bothering you. Say you want to tell all with the intention of coming to a solution together.
Not that heroic? Sending a card or a letter might be a good idea. This way the other can take the next step when they’re ready.
ENJOY OTHERS
Cherish your friends, mother, sisters and sister-in-laws with whom you don’t have any problems. Shit happens and so do fights. Even in the best of families and among the best of friends. Cherish what you have and all this will blow over. Wanna bet?
