How to travel in style (with kids)

I love flying. I love the mandatory offline rules, the movies, the crappy food and the chatty flight attendants. However, flying with children is what I call, how should I say this, challenging.

The thing I want most is peace and quiet and a plastic cup of wine. All the while aiming to be the perfect traveling companion. With children this is difficult. It starts with my oldest not understanding the buckle up rules. So I say just leave it on for the whole flight. She’s thinking; no way.  Nonetheless I have taken them on enough flights to consider myself a bit of an expert and therefore qualified to give you some advice.

1. Dress them nice and easy

I hear you thinking; there she goes again with the appearance thing. But it’s true. A cute dressed wailing child is less annoying than a yelling nose dripping one in dirty pants.

Leave all the clothes with straps, buckles, zippers and complicated little buttons at home. It has to be comfortable and easy to pull up or down because the toilets are absolutely tiny and you don’t want to be in there any longer than necessary.

2. seduce them with candy

I never give them chemical candy but on planes I make an exception. I make a special trip to the candy store (actually my super nanny does) and scoop until I’ve filled three bags with colorful goodies. If they’re good and neatly fastened in their seatbelts they are rewarded with a piece of candy. Conveniently it’s also a great for preventing earaches.

3. loaded tablets

I make sure to stock my iPad with fun apps and movies and do the same with my mobile phone that they also use to scroll through photos. Everybody’s happy. In case of an emergency I have Frozen, Madagascar, Rapunzel and other Disney movies, on standby on my laptop.

4. Wine

For you, not for them. To relax and take it easy. Believe me you need it.

5. small currency

To bribe the stewardesses. They have often turned a blind eye when my daughter crawled on my lap during takeoff and we don’t always leave our seats in their original tiptop condition. So give them some hush money.

Tip

A French pharmacy once gave me pills for airsickness that also makes your child a little dozy. Seemed like a good idea. But they taste so awful that my daughter located it hidden in a cake. After that she was weary of every edible thing I gave her for two whole weeks. And she managed to fall asleep at the most inconvenient time after taking one. Like at the airport baggage carrousel. So don’t go there. Flying is a bash. Kids think so too.