MAY’S TOTAL Humiliation

Besides nosing around in the Chanel-villa in Saint Tropez, where I spent the summer with my love, my heart rate shot up when I spotted the Blanc Bleu store.

Blanc Bleu is exactly what you’re looking for when thinking of endless days on the beach. Clothes in the most perfect worn-out shades of blue, the perfect marine stripe, cool joggers… and everything handmade. In France. Therefore expensive.

I almost drooled when I spotted the blue two by two meter rough woven shawl but immediately got a cold shower the moment I looked at the price tag. It’s probably worth every one of the four hundred euros but this was crossing my already so generous line. Then the sales lady caught my eye, she was wearing a salopet as a salopet should be worn. Baggy but sexy and wide at the sides showing the couture of your body with the top ending just under the breasts. This one-piece also had a sturdy price tag but visualizing my motto ‘better expensive than not for sale’ we closed the sale. Including a variety of items for my love of course.

This one-piece also had a sturdy price tag but visualizing my motto ‘better expensive than not for sale’ we closed the sale.

One week later Jetteke van Lexmond was wearing the same thing and the I knew it: these pants were fashion-tastic. I still felt a little wobbly about wearing them for the first time considering it’s totally different from the style I usually wear. “Just do it”, said Mart Visser, “It’s hot.”

The first ‘on-day’ had to be a day at the beach. It’s the outfit’s natural habitat and the sandy surroundings would certainly bring out the best in both of us. I wore a bathing suit underneath making it look as slimming as possible. “Oh cute”, said my sister-in-law. “I wore one of those during my pregnancy.” She meant well of course but to say I was off to a good start…..wellllll.

 “Oh cute”, said my sister-in-law. “I wore one of those during my pregnancy.”

My love was swooning and on receiving more appreciative nods from others my confidence grew with every step. Right up until the moment I walked over to my little nephew Sam who was always very kind to his old auntie, I was certain this suit was in the bag as far as Sam was concerned.

“Wow, auntie May-Britt!” Aha, see, Sam was a fan. “In that outfit you look like a Super Mario.” “Is that a good or a bad thing?” Actually I already knew the answer. “A very good thing!!” he said, told ya Sam’s the man. Always was and always will be. “He’s really cool. About this big (he held his hand to his chin) and about this fat.” Sam couldn’t possibly have stretched his arms any further. I suddenly wished I was standing on quicksand.