THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A FASHIONISTA SAY

I write this in our temporary office a.k.a the terrace of The Standard hotel in New York’s Meatpacking District. With Paris Hilton to the left, Rodrigo Otazu to the right and The Blonde Salad in the middle we have been very inspired to write this piece. Although we are over-the-moon-intense-happy-and-tingling-with-pleasure with our current set-up, as a fashionista it’s SO not done to let this show. And long is the list of other things that you will never hear a fashionista say.

Anyone associated with fashion is basically thin. There is a thin-thinner-thinnest hierarchy where the models (because duh) are the thinnest, the people who work in fashion (think stylists, casting directors, head dressers) are reasonably thin and top bloggers and some fashion people (Suzy Menkes and Glenda Bailey are not exactly a size zero) are a normal thin. Carbohydrates are never on the menu and the word ‘bread’ was last spoken in 1998.

Fashionista’s are busy, busy, BUSY. Even if they are not busy, they are still busy in their heads from the day before or busy with the busy schedule for the next day and just the thought alone of it all is enough to make you really very busy.

See point 1. For anyone who matches the words ‘fashion’ and ‘jeans’ (Suzy and Glenda would NEVER buy a pair of jeans, NEVER). Especially during fashion week there is a lot of cutting back and calorie intake is kept to a bare minimum (champagne and vodka don’t count), so those jeans sizes become smaller and smaller.

Rule 1 in fashion. Never say that you weren’t invited. Say you have another appointment with a major investor with an intense interest in you or that you have already seen that designers collection yesterday and, yeah sorry, but it already feels like old news or you have three shows running at the same time and sometimes you just have to make choices in life.

See 1 and 3. Bread is fashion’s enemy numero uno.

Hello! Rise and shine kids! It is all about seeing and being seen. I am photographed therefore I am, remember?

Not eating is one thing. But admitting this is another. So if someone offers you something, you answer: “Oh no thanks, I’ve had a big breakfast yesterday so I’m just fine. But you go for it. Help yourself!”

Fashionista’s don’t like anything. Ever. Or it needs to be something very new and ‘refreshing’ that contributes to your image. Of all the fashion weeks, fashionista’s find New York to be least interesting. Too commercial, in September too hot, in February too cold, too many bloggers. It’s a big, dull nightmare. What are we doing here anyway?

Don’t say it. Don’t do it. Don’t even think it. Run for cover. Nothing is ‘cool’ until the majority of the opposition gives approval. Positive emotions are not for fashion people. Anything ‘fun’ has got to go. Period.

‘Having’ is not really done. It’s not about what you have and want to wear, it is about what it means to fashion. And the arts. And things like that.

Slow is for losers, you’re the most important person on earth, very high profile, you just do not do ‘slow’.