How sexy are not-sexy things

You read about it sometimes: ‘women should act normal and not worry so much about stuff that really doesn’t matter’. We can spend hours in our bathrooms and tons of money to get as smooth and soft as possible. A lady doesn’t quaff beer, we will never burp or fart, and what happens in the restroom is a well-kept secret. But is all of this really necessary? And should we suppress our human urges for a man? To answer these questions, I asked my male friends what they think. These are their answers.

“Wow, it´s just women who worry about this stuff,” said number one. “Burping and farting, not shaving your legs, wearing ugly underwear – all stuff that is not sexy by definition. Going for a pee with the door open? No for real, you keep that to yourself. Look, it’s about the phase of your relationship. When you meet someone you don’t want all that but when you’ve been together for years, it’s different. You don’t want your girlfriend to act all hysterical about it.”

“Farting, however, is not good”

Seems clear, doesn’t it? It’s all “okay” but only when you’re in it for the long haul – you have to keep up appearances initially. Although the next man I talked to has a different view: “Going for a pee with the door open is fine. It’s cosy, even in the early stages of the relationship. It’s a sign of less shame so that’s good. Farting, however, that’s not so good. You are allowed but I wouldn’t recommend it. Burping is okay, especially at first when she acts as if it was an accident. Drinking beer is great. And not wearing any makeup? Great, too, I hate when a chick doesn’t dare to leave the house without makeup. I think it’s sexy if she doesn’t care.”

Man number three goes another step further. He thinks it´s sexy if a girl leaves the door open when she goes for a pee, “but I may be a bit weirder about that than other men. Drinking beer is sexy, too. Burping and stuff a little less but a farting competition is totally awesome.”

Another extreme is our number four man. When I present him with the burping-farting-beer-peeing-unshaved legs issue, he says: “To tha left to tha left, everything you own in da box to tha left.” So he doesn’t tolerate any of it. He is the only one who’s that strict, though. The fifth man summarises it all: “I think it mainly has to do with rudeness. It it’s too oafish, it’s not sexy. A small burp that shocks her is really cute, of course, but it has nothing to do with being sexy.”

In all, it seems there are no hard and fast rules. Generally speaking I would say farting should be limited to the absolute minimum. Another friend who is fairly open-minded about the rest (“drinking beer is great, preferably downing it all at once”) says that farting is a big no-no, which is confirmed by pretty much everyone I talked to. Burping is okay once in a while, peeing with the door open is difficult, drinking beer is encouraged, and do try to have smooth legs as much as you can. Oh, and leave your make-up bag at home, you hear?