things that seem like a good idea when you’re plastered

It’s Friday night and tonight is the night to get utterly gazeboed. After a night of letting your hair down you can get some darned interesting insights. Meeting up with the lower version of yourself might be an excuse for those idiot decisions. But then alcohol has the power to make insane ideas suddenly sound ravingly marvelous.

Flirting with everyone

If you can look past that bulletproof vest that bouncer is sort of attractive. Right? And if you can forget the acne and funny haircut, that bartender looks pretty good. Right? That old guy buying us drinks all the time. If you shut your eyes you won’t see that wedding band or take notice of that 40 years age difference. He’s a looker. Right? That plastic plant in the corner, gathering dust? If you go past the fact that it’s a plant. It’s an attractive plant right?

dance to Beyoncé’s Single Ladies on the bar

Every woman who hears this song thinks she can do this dance. And you know what’s an even better idea? Getting onto the bar so that everyone can see what a super duper dancer you really are!

taking off your aching heels

I get it. Your feet are killing you, in spite of all that numbing alcohol. I have ended my evening on bare feet once but it’s a risk. There is broken glass, and smoldering cigarette buts and who knows what else. And you know your blood is very watery because of the alcohol. So before you start going American Psycho, spraying blood all over the place, think again.

spotting a microphone and thinking you can sing

If you find a karaoke set in a bar ask yourself what in the world you are doing in a bar with a karaoke set! The second thing to ask yourself is if singing Celine Dion’s My heart Will Go On is a wise move. The answer: probably not. May always says she hates karaoke. But give that women a glass of wine and a mic and she’ll be crooning on stage all night (Love ya May).

call or text your ex

This can’t not be on this list. Al of a sudden everything becomes clear to you. And you have to let that person know. Now! But the next morning that epiphany is gone leaving you embarrassed and ashamed. I am known for my late night texting. Exes, soon to be exes or current boyfriends have all know to delete these to avoid a confrontation. That I’ve crossed that invisible line is something I’d rather forget.

Doing anything with your phone at all

During my Twitter craze I’ve done live tweet-sessions while getting drunker by the second. Why?! Facebook, Twitter, Instagram don’t go there. Alcohol gives you the impression that you have a built in filter so you don’t need to use the one on your phone when you could actually use ten. Stop. No, scratch that. Don’t post anything at all!