different types of travellers (and how to deal with them)

I’ve spent a lot of free hours up in the air lately and last week I touched down in New York. Of course we already told you how to stylishly get off the plane and how to accommodate yourself at the airport but once on board there is still always the danger of an annoying, smelly neighbor or hysterical groups of women,  all just as bad. I observed and divided my co-travellers into different categories. So if you’re bored during your flight you can play bingo. Here we go.

The businessman

You see a lot of these on short flights. Al suited up carrying a little briefcase, shiny hair and a whiff of aftershave; well you don’t here me complaining. I enjoy sitting beside businessmen, as it doesn’t get any better than a handsome man in a suit. You, being the lovely sassy lady that you are, can provide some fun distraction to all that business talk, just a nod will get the conversation started. Ask him where he’s headed, if he travels often etc. If it’s the kind of guy that flips opens his laptop before he hits his seat, leave it, he’s busy.

The baby

These are the most unwelcomed passengers on the plane because babies don’t understand what’s going on; their solution cry as loud as possible to get the message across. You have to look at it this way: the crying probably has something to do with an ear ache and that’s very uncomfortable for them. Ha, look who’s talking (I’m hardly what you call child-friendly), but really, even I try to sympathize. Maybe even worse than the babies are the toddlers, running back and forth all the time and basically just being a nuisance. The solution? Stick out your leg. No, just kidding (sort of) but if they really do bother you ask the parents to keep their kids in check, in a nice way.

The bachelor party

To celebrate the upcoming wedding of their bestie, groups of horny men or chirping women head off to a different city . I advise you to be on guard because especially the men seemingly cross all boundaries and feel invincible. Lethal looks can help but I have been caught in a group of men once, they drove me up the wall with their sexist comments. I asked the stewardess for a different seat. Thank goodness she could help me, but if you’re stuck on a plane with no vacant seats put in those earplugs, pull down your sleeping mask and pretend they’re not there.

The lovers

Yuck, the icky kind that can’t keep their hands to themselves and who find it necessary to continually kiss each other the ENTIRE flight. It’s their first vacation together and they just don’t know how to hide their excitement – and you just happen to be sitting there. Same drill: sleeping mask and plugs. If you’re feeling passive aggressive tune into a bloody horror movie, the images should be sufficient to drain all lust. That’ll teach’em.

The first timers

This can be someone of any age who is on a plane for the first time. This person might be freaked out or hysterically overexcited. In the first senario: give him or her a bag to breath in and say things like “ air travel is safer than driving a car” or something like that. You just act relaxed and don’t say “ hey, is that screw loose?” as this won’t improve your situation.

The talker

I don’t know which is worse; a baby or a talker. The talker can’t stop talking. Often these are women but middle-aged men sometimes give them a run for their money. They tell you everything: the grand children, in-laws, children, neighbors, friends EVERYTHING. Drive’s you crazy.

The backpacker

If you’re lucky it’s the fun type, telling you a about few exciting adventures with a mischievous smile. If you’re not so lucky it’s one that hasn’t showered in four months, is totally tuned into his or her inner hippy and wearing harem pants that still have stains from three counties ago. The stench; sadly you can’t do anything about this.