What I wonder about the red carpet

We have a lift off! The Cannes Film Festival is back in the spotlight for the 68th time. I’ve had the pleasure of going a few times and I can tell you it is wonderful.

Sleeping in the Majestic (a fabulous 5 star hotel where I almost tripped over Jude Law, really) and stepping into a limo driving the full three meters it will take you to reach the red carpet. No I don’t have a secret acting career I’ve never told you about, I just happened to be invited by clients (lucky me). As their guests we were allowed to walk the red carpet. Even though you know you don’t belong there you still feel like a princess. Especially that time when I heard someone call out my name, it were two Dutch tv-reporters, there filming the festival. Still it made this little nobody feel like a somebody.

Does every woman go commando?

Is anyone wearing underwear? All those dresses made of sheer fabrics that have pieces missing or are see-through I suppose it’s best to leave your undies at home.

and if so. does every wear a tampon?

It might make a star feel more dressed. Functioning as a little cork that absorbs odors (sorry) and juices created by excitement.

are u allowed to pass?

I get a little uneasy when standing behind someone on the red carpet who is immensely famous. That person is being yelled at by photographers, interviewed by a TV crew and has to pose for zillions of pictures with and without the partner. Are you supposed to wait until they finish (with the danger of traffic jam situations) or can you just slip passed them with an ‘oops, sorry, excuse me’.

can i say hi?

The red carpet is like a small town, everyone knows everyone. I have the habit of greeting people I know but I wonder if it’s appropriate on the red carpet. The good thing about showbiz is they have a code; me, myself then nothing for a while and then the rest. So nobody will probably notice me doing this anyway.

is there time for a touch up?

The red carpet in Cannes is really long and has a triple row of photographers on each side. I wonder if they have a pit stop where a celeb can freshen up. Pull at her imaginary underwear, tuck in the labels, relax the jaw? There’s not? Is there? But you have to admit; this is a really good idea.