When your friend has cancer

7 nice things you can do

One of my good friends asked last year if I wanted to feel her breasts. And no, she was not suddenly having bisexual urges. The next day she went to the hospital just to be sure. By herself, because it was nothing to worry about, right?

That same day my sweet man and I drove to Paris, another girlfriend of mine was premiering her jewelry collection. The hospital appointment was at 2:45 so I messaged her at 3:20 pm. No reaction. Maybe I was mistaken and her appointment was at 3:15. So I messaged at 4:00. Again no reply. She must be picking up the kids from school and hasn’t had time to call me, I thought.

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But at 6:00 I began to worry. Write something, I’m going crazy. And then came her response. “It’s not good, May. Really not good.”

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We’re a year later now and we still here. She is still here. With new hair, a new set of breasts and an even bigger heart. When a girlfriend gets such a blow, she really needs to get ready to go into battle. All alone. But there are things you can do to make her life and her pain a bit more bearable.

1.

Begin a cooking group

My girlfriend’s neighbors and friends immediately joined forces and made up a cooking schedule. I was was not invited to the group. According to my sick friend mainly because of my busy job and overcrowded household. Lucky for me. I fear that my cooking skills may not be so up to scratch. But this worked out just fine and there was a lesson to be learned here. Help in ways that you know you are good in and that also fit within your own life.

2.

set up a Whatsapp-group

We immediately set this up for my girlfriend. If she ever needed anything she could put it out there into the group and there would always be someone to react. It also saved her from having to contact people individually.

3.

Bring champagne

The day my girlfriend was going to shave her head, I brought over a bottle of champagne. A little consolation. She drank it later when things began to improve. During chemo you are totally not allowed to drink a drop, but it can be very nice to know that there is something festive waiting in the wings.

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4.

Be positive

The last thing someone who has cancer wants to hear are stories of your sisters neighbors cousin and the teacher of your nephew who didn’t pull through. Bring up the good things. Next year we’ll be back on the beach with a bottle of wine and you’ll have the best pair of breasts from the lot of us. These are words that can bring a smile to her face. Moreover, so many women are currently cured of cancer that you can feel comfortable to talk like this.

5.

buy nightwear

Your girlfriend will also want to look good in the hospital. Buy a nice pair of pajamas that open up at the front. Find a luscious, rich body cream to also give her (chemo dries your skin out). I gave my friend a gorgeous little Chanel toiletry bag that made her feel like the queen of the ward.

6.

Flowers are always a good idea

I enjoyed buying two bunches of flowers, one for her and one for me. Then I knew we had the same colorful view and we’d know the other was thinking of us. We even had the same scented candle. Every morning, I had a therapeutic moment burning the Diptyque.

7.

Don’t forget her man

If you’ve given birth, it is often said that people should give attention to the man as well. The same goes for the men of our sick friends. He is also going through an intense experience. Particularly if your wife is sick. You need to take care of your loved one, you need to keep the household in order and your girl will not always be in the best of moods with a scratchy wig, a mouthful of blisters (one of the more gentle side effects of chemo) and she has a battered chest. So let your man take him out, give him a nice series to watch, play football together or go to the zoo with the whole family . Then your girlfriend can also get a good night sleep.

I hope these are a list of tips that you never have to go back to, but the truth is that cancer is a sickness that is showing its ugly head all too frequently. And then a little something like this is the least you can do for each other.