Men don’t like funny women,

but women do like funny men

Yes it was one of the most remarkable things I’ve read in a long time. To make a long story short:  an American research stated that men don’t consider humor an important trait for woman, while women are seemingly always on the lookout for a man that makes them laugh. I thought that odd, because when I speak to my man-friends the first thing they say is that they DO want a woman with humor.

But another thing I heard, from the same men, is that women aren’t funny and have no sense of humor. None. So a woman that is easy on the eye can deliver on good conversation and makes jokes: are unique and hard to come by. When a man-person told me this in so may words I shot right into the defense cause HELLO I only have funny friends so pssts what are you talking about? “ Right, that’s the reason we men don’t share our theories with you women”, he said. Okay 1-nil.

HELLO I only have funny friends so pssts what are you talking about?

First let me provide you with some more information on the findings of that American research. That would be research in plural, there’s more than one.  Countless studies have been done researching the relationship of humor on the one side and attraction on the other. For a start there’s an important connection between humor and intelligence. Whoever is funny must be smart and whoever is smart can be really funny. Learning a thousand jokes by heart doesn’t mean you have a sense of humor, humor is much more subtle than that. To make a good spontaneous joke you have to be able to take in the social situation, your public, your timing; bring everything perfectly together all at once. Smart people are better at that, the very reason they are often funnier.

Evolutionary speaking intelligence is important to women because “it reflects an ability to succeed in the workplace and obtain enough resources (money, basically) to support a family.”  Women need a man to take care of them and their family so intelligence is important. Humor is an indicator of intelligence so voila, there you have the reason why women look for humor in a man.

“it reflects an ability to succeed in the workplace and obtain enough resources (money, basically) to support a family.”

But turn that story around. Men don’t have that need and don’t give as much weight to the humor trait as intelligence indicator. Men need humor to impress women, it’s just not the same the other way around. That’s where the whole story about “women not being funny” comes from. If a woman does happen to be funny it’s considered a nice addition not a sturdy requirement. And besides an intelligent woman can be intimidating to a man, because he won’t unpretentiously be considered “the Boss” with that crazy girl forming something called ‘her own opinion’, so all men involved in the research say they don’t want a gal with humor.

But it still surprises me that when I speak to men myself, they always say they want a funny girl. The studies I mentioned were collected using different types of research but the majority was based on thousands of online-dating profiles. For the Dutch magazine Glamour I published a top 100 list of the most fun handsome eligible bachelors in The Netherlands, which gave me the opportunity to ask these 100 men what they find attractive in women. Guess what? At least 80% of them said they like a woman with a sense of humor. What’s the story?

which gave me the opportunity to ask these 100 men what they find attractive in women. Guess what? At least 80% of them said they like a woman with a sense of humor. What’s the story?

“Yes but you asked the upper layer of society the cutest and most attractive, not the John Doe’s, it gives you a biased impression”, that same man who doesn’t think women are funny told me. Yeah, okay, might be, but it might also have something to do with the fact that relationships between men and women are more balanced. Making hooking up with a smarty just as important for men as it is for women. The thing that’s not entirely satisfying about these studies is that they’ve all been done between 2010 and 2012, and there haven’t been any significant changes the past few years. So I fear the he’s right on this one as well, making it 2-nil.

From an evolutionary point of view it’s not important for a woman to be funny. But what I’ve learned is that a man who isn’t man enough to admit humor is important just isn’t man enough himself. And when a man says he prefers a funny girl, you’ve got a much better catch. So I’d say happy dating you all.