Fun & Famous
11 things i learned from a long-term relationship
Okay, so I’ve been in (and still am in) a really long relationship. And with long, I mean really really long. Let me put it this way, we’ve been together since the first introduction to CELL PHONES. So it’s fair to say that I know exactly what I’m talking about when it comes to long relationships. And that’s why, lovely ladies, I’m going to share my divine relationship wisdom. Who knows, maybe it’ll be of any sort of use.
1. Okay, so this is one might make you gag, but in my group of friends I’ve seen plenty of relationships go sour: starting a relationship is extremely fun and immensely sexy, but keeping one is hard work. You have to be able to look at yourself critically. So: strengths as well as your weaknesses. And that’s more than just saying that you can be messy because you’re always busy. Don’t think that you don’t have any flaws. It’s all about give and take. That means that in the real world you won’t always have things your way, that you sometimes have to apologize and that you can expect (and learn how to deal with) critique. You have to be able to be honest with each other.
2. Swallow. Nohoo, not sex-wise, man, oh man aren’t we the hilarious bunch. But sometimes, just sometimes, it’s best to just swallow in something that annoys or frustrates you. It might be a big thing now (especially when you’re drunk) but it won’t be tomorrow.
”Believe me when I say that every relationship requires work.”
3. Don’t give up too easily; it’s easy to just throw the towel into the ring if you’ve just gone through a shitty period, but then? Then everything is going to start right back where it started with someone else. Believe me when I say that every relationship requires work.
4. But what I do want to say is that this doesn’t mean it should only be work. Yes, there are going to be times that things aren’t going as well as you’d like, but there is a limit.
5. You have to be able to be yourself. Sometimes you’re going to have to ignore that annoyance or frustration, but you’re always supposed to be able to say something about the big things. If you don’t do this, it’ll all go down hill. Don’t hide who you are, show them, that’s the only way it works.
6. Some men and women in relationships have this tendency of always making a list of things to blame the other person on. And that list can become endless and turn into some sort of battle: who made which mistakes and what was the impact? Argue, talk things through, but then: let it go. Go on with your lives. Don’t start bringing up things/mistakes/comments from the past.
Single? These are things you should NEVER ask or say to someone who is single.
7. Imagine this, there is an extremely sexy and good looking type at your office and you kind of hat the hots for him or her. In fact, you’re even starting to think you want to start a relationship with that person. Everything with him or her is going to be much better than the relationship you’re currently in. Of course you’re always – if you fall head over heels in love with someone and stay that way – follow your heart, but keep in mind that these kinds of situations leave room for fallacy. You start counting the things your love and like about your current lover with those of The Other. This generates an ideal relationship in your head. The ideal man/woman. But that doesn’t exist and I hope that you’re smart enough to start realizing it. The Other also has things that you’re not going to like which you don’t know about yet.
”Accept that your sex life is not going to be what it once was.”
8. Accept that your sex life is not going to be what it once was. All those fun stories and numbers from researchers that you should still be having sex at least twice a week: fuck it. There are going to be times that you’re not going to do it at all, so what? In most cases, it’ll all come back. Just don’t turn it into a bigger deal than it is.
9. Incase sex does end up becoming a biggie: talk! Talk to each other about what’s bothering you, what you like, what you don’t and listen. Just make sure you throw it out there, don’t wait it out.
10. Don’t listen to any jealous or bitter people you know. When you tell people you’ve been in a (really) long relationship, you might get the occasional stank eye. The: huh, what? But have you even really lived? Do you know what you’re missing? Don’t let these comments get to you. Sail your own coarse.
11. If you ever doubt whether or not it’s all worth it: throw that out on the table too. Give each other some space without breaking up. Space is the key word here. Don’t go throwing out ultimatums (‘If you don’t make a decision by tomorrow then I’m done.’) But if the two of you decide to end things anyway? Go home and eat this cake.
Written by: Renske Hoff
