Sexy Friday

12 OF THE FUNNIEST SEX TWEETS

There are some couples out there who have steamy sex every day of the week. Others who are content having it twice a month. Whichever category you belong to, these absurd tweets are going to make you giggle regardless. Long live Twitter.

1. My wife: ‘I think a carpet would look nice in our living room.’

Me: …..

My wife: ‘You don’t agree?’

Me: ‘Can we discuss this after I’ve cum?’
2. ‘Sex is like pizza, if you’re going to use BBQ sauce you better know what the fuck you’re doing.’

3. She: ‘Talk confusedly to me.’

He: ‘What?’

She: ‘Oh, fuck yeah.’

4. ‘Cake is better than sex because I can remember the last time I had cake.’

5. ‘Sex is cool but have u ever had garlic bread.’

6. ‘Sex jokes aren’t funny, I mean cum on people.’

7. ‘When you’re married, this popular saying goes from: ‘your clothes would look a lot better on the floor’ to ‘in the laundry’.’

8. ‘What’s the difference between a lover and a wife? About 20 kilos…’

9. ‘What idiot called it “leaving right after sex” and not “nuts and bolts”?’

10. [undoes GFs bra first time]
She: ‘Wow have you been practicing?’
Me: ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
[me and dog exchange glances]

11. ‘Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I’ll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.’

12. ‘A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. So would mine, probably, if I was having sex with something made out of bacon.’