Sexy Friday

13 THINGS THAT GO THROUGH YOUR HEAD THE FIRST TIME YOU’RE DOING THE HANKY-PANKY

The first time you and your lover go all the way under the covers (or in the shower, the kitchen counter – who am I to judge) can be a deal breaker. Especially if it happens when you weren’t exactly expecting it to. Believe me: all hell can break loose. And a bunch of absurd things will be going through your head. Like these:

1. “Is he going to think I’m easy if I sleep with him now? Or should I play hard to get? Oh what the hell, I want it now.”

2. “I didn’t put on that extremely old ugly thong on this morning did I? Oh the misery… I’m never ever wearing that old thing again.”

3. “Shit, I wanted to brush my teeth. And shave my armpits. And put on some perfume. Am I going to ruin the moment if I do it now?”

4. “What the heck am I supposed to do if he’s got a really weird dick? A minuscule little piece of shrimp. Or an extremely big one. Or a crooked on. Help, I’m scared of penis’.”

5. “What if he thinks I have a weird vagina. Is my vagina weird? Who’s vagina can I compare mine to?”

6. Only to then think: “Oh lord, he looks goooood naked.”

“Help, I’m scared of penis’!”

7. When you see that he’s checking you out: “Oh my god.. I’m very very naked right now…”

8. “He can definitely see all the cellulite in my legs. Yes, absolutely. I need to dim the lights. I’ll say it’s to make it more ‘romantic’.”

9. “Does this noise mean that he just came? I’m not sure…”

10. “Okay, he definitely came. I’m going to keep lying down though. Look at how charming we are -literally- separating from each other.”

11. “This is worth repeating… I wonder if he agrees?”

12. “I think this also means that we’re going to be spending the night together. Or is he going to get out of bed and LEAVE?”

13. “Thank go, he’s staying. But that also means he’s going to see me in the morning without any makeup on. Oh help. Oh well, I’m always up early anyways. I’ll just pull a Usain Bolt and spring to the bathroom.”