Happy & Healthy

26 THINGS THAT GO THROUGH YOUR HEAD WHEN you have to get behind the wheel

Yehesss, I have a fear of the road. And I’m not the only one. Dozens, wait no scratch that, millions of people are terrified of hopping in a car and driving. So if you’re not one of them, you’re bound to have someone in your inner circle who’s suffering from it. Obviously it comes in many different forms, but I was in the mood to just write about it and give you guys an exclusive look at what goes through my mind when that steering wheel and I are face to face. So here you go: 26 things that go through your head when you know you have to drive the next day.

1. My god, I think I have to drive tomorrow.

2. You know what? I can do it. It’s about time I force myself to do it. Besides: what can go wrong? It’s all about paying attention and keeping an appropriate amount of distance.

3. But what if I can’t even get out of the parking spot? What if I DAMAGE another car? That would be awful. I wouldn’t be able to breathe it would be so awful.

4. Then I’ll have to answer a bunch of horrible questions from my pissed off neighbor. Or fill in that horrible and complicated damage form. And all the while being incapable of breathing.

5. HELL. My life is HELL.

6. Maybe I can ask that one friend, or that other one, or a neighbor if he or she can drive?

7. It’s easier too anyway, because…. (fill in a plausible and important explanation here).

8. Yes, seriously, it’s so much better if I ask that one friend, or that other one, or a neighbor to drive. I’m tired enough as is. How horrible would that be?

9. Okay, it’s time I get over this fear of driving. This needs to end.

10. You’re just gonna do it. You’re gonna drive. Come on, everyone can do it.

11. But I’m not entirely sure where the gas pedal is in our new car.

12. And what about the side lights? And the headlights? And the fog lights?

“For commitment. I mean, I have to go to the gym every week too.”

13. Imagine it starts raining like crazy tomorrow, then I’ll have to use the windshield wipers. And imagine I won’t be able to switch them on? Then I’m just going to have to stop somewhere and park the car. Hopefully no one will see me when it’s pouring out.

14. Obviously the police are going to spot me immediately. And then they’ll come and fetch me.

15. Stay calm, you’re rattling on, act normal, you’ll be fine behind the wheel. It went well last week didn’t it?

16. Admitted, there was no one on the road.

17. Maybe you should apply for one of those trainings. You know, to help you get over your fear of the road. Apparently they help.

18. But doesn’t that mean that I have to drive? Can they obtain my license during these classes? That would suck.

19. What’s wrong with taking the bus and train anyway? And your bike will help you drop the weight.

20. I think I’m going to take one of those courses.

21. I’m going to Google the prices tomorrow.

22. I just hope it’s not too expensive, cause I need new clothes too.

23. Do you think it’s possible to get rid of your fear of the road easily? I mean: like really really quick? How long does something like this take? Months? I don’t have time for that. For commitment. I mean, I have to go to the gym every week too.

24. But still, I’ll Google it tomorrow. Because this needs to end. And now is the time to do it.

25. Or am I too late?

26. No, it can’t be. I just know it: there’s a wonderful driver screaming to get out.