Happy & Healthy

5 SITUATIONS THAT ARE EMBARRASSING, BUT COMPLETELY HYSTERICAL

Sometimes (and by sometimes I really mean sometimes) I find myself acting like a complete dweeb and doing the most embarrassing things that make me want to disappear into thin air. I’m sure you can relate. Walking around with toilet paper stuck to the sole of your shoe for half a day, making an extremely dumb comment at the office or as some would say ‘eating dust’ in front of thirty people.

I’ve tried to hide the wounds for as long as I can, but I’ve decided to rip the bandaid: here are some of my most embarrassing bloopers.

Ones that were god damn horrid at the time, but luckily I can laugh about them now.  And laughing is the ultimate remedy, don’t you think?

1. The I-feel-somewhat-stupid-moment

Dragging your drunk ass to a fast food joint in the middle of the night only to empty out your entire tray into the garbage can, cell phone included and all, only to then start crying hysterically trying to fish it out of the ketchup and garlic infused residues. Yup, been there, done that.

2. The embarrassing-under-the-covers-moment

You have a new boyfriend, you’ve been getting it on like an uncontrollable pair of rabbits and then comes that god-awful-tip-of-the-iceberg embarrassing moment. Now obviously there are a ton of awkward things that can take place under the covers, but the situation in which a lot of air gets pumped into your vajayjay and you make that one noise that makes you want to die right there and then is by far the queen of all shitty situations. I would add ‘in the world’ literally, but then I’d be referring to a different entry point (and that’s an image I’m totally okay with never having to visualize – or experience). But anyway, is there a hole in the ground somewhere I can please disappear into? Great, thanks.

“…that makes you want to die right there and then is by far the queen of all shitty situations.”

3. The crying-in-public-about-something-stupid-moment

You’ve got your period, you can’t untangle your favorite necklace, your shoe laces are untied or a random normal comment that gets thrown your way which isn’t meant to be malicious at all – yet that’s how you conceived it anyway – makes you start bawling your eyes out.  Oh man, the power estrogen has on your emotions…

4. The I’ve-just-been-caught-moment

So they say humans lie at least once a day, even about the smallest things that are too absurd to even comprehend. Believe me, acting like you know a lot about something you actually know very little about? Never a good idea. I once got caught in a conversation about the credit crisis and as the goober that I am, felt the need to have an opinion on the matter too – dumb move. Dumb dumb move. As soon as I was asked a question of substance, I was forced into a corner. “I, uhh, I’ll take a pass on this question, okay?”

5. The I-just-puked-and-feel-like-shit-moment

Experiencing this on a night out with your friends isn’t really a thrilling party per se, but hey, there are worse things in life. But when it happens at a party where you want to impress the guy you’ve got a thing for/your employer/colleagues, it’s horrendous. How about you lay off that extra glass of champagne that usually helps you calm your nerves for a nigh? No one likes a sloppy drunk.