Sexy Friday

8 x why sex with your ex is a total kamikaze

You broke up, you don’t see each other for years and then suddenly Mister Big is standing right there in front of your face. Even better looking than he once was. And then my god, it was so nice to see each other again so why not go grab something to drink and before you know it, you feel like a teenager again and start feeling the tingles.

Hold up, wait a minute. Abort. Abort. Alarm bells times one hundred. Stop all the flirtation. Think about old wrinkled grandpa’s. The horrid scent of your ex after he went to the bathroom. Sweaty feet. Anything. Because hitting the sack with Mister verrrrrry Big (if you know what I mean) might sound exciting, but it can also be incredibly tricky. And I’m speaking from experience. So hereby a couple a reasons why you and your former flame should stay far away from anything remotely looking like a bed. Trust me, you can thank me later.

1. Holy hell: maybe you just turned into his booty call

Imagine being stuck in the situation going from one of the most important people in someone’s life to becoming their BOOTY CALL. Tha fuck? I’m sorry, aren’t we a little too good for this?

2. Everything afterwards is extremely awkward

Because you’ve just had sex with your ex. And you’re both naked in the same room. And you should probably say something to each other or something. Or not. Or you figure out that he isn’t single at all. You can already hear Taylor Swift singing ’trouble, trouble, trouble…’

3. Or perhaps the sex is even better

And you wouldn’t mind giving up your weekly sports regime for a sweaty ride with your former boy. But your new personal (bed) trainer doesn’t agree: talk about a disappointment.

4. It didn’t work out the first time

People grow apart for a reason. Maybe you were up for something new, maybe not but you were dumped. Whatever it is: you’re a stronger person now, more confident. You grew as a person, you’re an adult now and have different opinions and points of view and ideas. By waking up next to your ex it’s like you’ve just taken 5 steps back again.

5. It looks like you’re incapable of letting him go

And once again you’re the easy target for the occasional night of trashy sex. Or you’ll get stuck in an awful sex cycle. Oh, the misery. You don’t want this.

6. You’ll never have the bond you once had

Painful, but true. Perhaps the sex isn’t like you remembered it to be.

7. How awkward would it be if he developed some kind of fetish?

You don’t want this. Run.

8. The absolute worst: he picked up an unwanted guest after your breakup

And when I say unwanted guest, I mean some kind of horrible STD. I repeat: abort, abort.

Yes, Mister Big (Mistake), what’s done, is done. And to end this off with some glorious words from Carrie Bradshaw:  ‘We keep dresses we’ll never wear again, but we throw away ex-boyfriends’. Amen. Time for a new chapter in your love life. Good luck!