Happy & Healthy

9 secrets men are never allowed to know about

When our boys are gone for a week, we don’t shave our legs, our armpits or private areas just because we don’t have to and don’t feel like it. But there are a couple of other things we do that we’d rather not share with our significant other.

Maybe it’s best for him not to know the following:

1. Somethings (usually during that one time of the month) we wear really ugly underwear. And when I say ugly I mean the most hideous, chaste and distasteful things you can think of.

2. When we’re out for dinner with a new love interest, we eat far less then we would actually like to. Because my god, the last thing you want him to think is that you’re a pig. Give it some time and before you know it, you can stuff yourself with as much as you want.

3. We might not do it in his presence, but hey, we’re human too. We burp, we fart. And we poop. As great as it would be, unfortunately it does not smell like roses.

4. We forget to take our birth control more often than we would like to admit.

5. If that new lover of yours shows up at your front door unexpected,  we always lie and say: “Do you have a second? I quickly need to finish something.” Why? Well, because we need a second to try and clean as much as we can so he won’t see how messy you are at home.

6. When we head to the bathroom at a club with our friends, it’s so we can gossip about the guys that just bought us drinks and whether they’re cute, medium, or whether you need to get out as fast as we can.

7. When we’re really into a guy, we stalk his Instagram the entire day. We do the same thing when we hate a guy too. Hate-stalking is just as fun.

8. The amount of time we actually spend on our hair and makeup. And how much we actually weigh.

9. “Oh no, that old thing? I’ve had it for yeaaaars.” We lie about new purchases we’ve made. Especially when they came with a hefty price tag.