Fun & Famous
INCASE YOU FORGOT ABOUT BRITNEY SPEARS’ BIZARRE LIFE…
I’m hyperactive. Tonight James Corden will finally release Carpool Karaoke featuring our beloved Britney Spears. It’s Britney, B*tch, this is bound to be a spectacle. Just like it was with everyone prior. Like Adele, Justin Bieber and Michelle Obama. But just to prepare ourselves for the princess of pop, why don’t we go back in time and go through the Britney timeline. This woman has had a turbulent life, it’s almost impossible to cover it in just one post. But let me give it a shot anyway. You ready?
2000: the VMA’s strip act
Let’s skip the ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ period and dive straight into one of the most memorable Britney moments. She’s up on stage signing a classic Rolling Stones song in a black suit, until she rips it off and prances around in a skin tight barely there skin colored outfit. The media went nuts. As did the crowd.
2001: the white python
Yet another VMA killer performance. Should I remind you of the performance during which miss Spears had an albino snake dangling from her neck while she was performing ‘I’m A Slave 4 U’? After which PETA made sure to give her a call.
2002: the beef with Justin T.
Her relationship with Justin Timberlake goes down the drain. He responds with ‘Cry Me A River’ because there are claims Britney cheated. Then she dropped the number ‘Everytime’ (remember the video where it looks like she almost commit suicide in a bathtub?) as as a sneer back at Justin.
‘Until she rips it off and prances around in a skin tight barely there skin colored outfit’
2003: the kiss with Madonna
What’s up with those VMA’s? And yes, Christina Aguilera also gave Madonna a good peck on the lips while they were singing ‘Like A Virgin’ but no one ever made a big deal about that.
2004: getting married twice in one year
Britney makes her way to tabloid covers by marrying her high school sweetheart Jason Alexander in Vegas. The marriage gets annulled about 55 hours later. Later on in the year she gets engaged to Kevin Federline (who left his pregnant wife for Britney). Which also landed them their own reality show called ‘Britney & Kevin: Chaotic’. They got married a little later on in the year and Brit let the world know she was going to take a break from her career to focus on a family.
2006: the baby behind the wheel incident
Brit and Kevin had a baby boy called Sean. Shortly after, Brit gets some negative press when she was spotted in Malibu with her son on her lap as she was driving her car. She blamed the paps for this. Later on in the year she gives birth to her second son: Jayden James. A few months later, she and Kevin Federline get a divorce.
2007: the I’m-going-to-shave-my-head incident
Then came the Britney-gone-crazy period. I’m sure everyone remembers this quite clearly. DAFUK! The press went insane and this YouTuber went viral (this still makes me hysterical). A little less funny: because Brit went a little loco, she was temporarily admitted to a clinic. Apparently Kevin cheated and was taking half her fortune from her and she lost custody of both her kids. Don’t ask me how (Britney is some kind of superwoman), but later that year she released her new album Blackout. The critics were enthusiastic and she sold more that three million albums. ‘Gimme More’, ‘Piece Of Me’ and ‘Break The Ice’ were all chart toppers.
2008: Britney gone crazy 2.0
Once again Britney makes her way back to a psych ward. This time it was forced. But don’t you worry: Britney climbed right back out of that hole she found herself in, gets her kids back and releases the album Circus. She might be a couple kilos heavier, but everyone was hooked to her new songs.
‘But don’t you worry: Britney climbed right back out of that hole she found herself in’
2012: the hit everyone liked
Okay, not a riot but ‘Scream & Shout’ featuring Will.i.am was goohoood, Brit. Props to you.
2013: the new boy
Is 2013 finally her year again? ‘You better work bitch’ definitely are her words. She had started dating her manager Jason Trawick, they got engaged in 2011, but unfortunately for Brit, the relationship ends in 2013. She decides to focus on her career and starts a two year residency in Las Vegas, cashing in a shit ton of millions.
2016: which brings us back to today…
Looks like Britney’s image is finally back on the right track thanks to an amazing comeback. Although her face has had a couple of tweaks. Brit, I like you but did you really have to plump up those lips?
Anyways, I can’t wait for Carpool Karaoke. Especially after this trip down memory lane with Brit.
It’s Kiki Bitch.
(Okay, sorry, that one was necessary.)
