MY UNCANNY OBSESSION WITH THE BACHELORETTE

I was planning on starting this off by saying I had a confession to make, but I think the title of this post says plenty. And when I say the word uncanny, I mean I am the girl who will wake up even earlier on a Tuesday morning to watch the episode that was aired on a Monday night in the States (I live in Amsterdam so early morning streaming it is). Same story for Game of Thrones by the way (and I’m currently going through a slight depression since the season just ended. Seriously though, what the hell am I supposed to do with my life now?). I’ve got a serious case of TV-show FOMO, hence the absurd times I tend to wake up just to be up to date.

But back to the Bachelorette. I’m late in the game, I know. I didn’t hop onto the Bachelor nation bandwagon until I was frustrated that I hardly understood any of the memes about the show during my daily reads through my other obsession Buzzfeed. And so it began. I watched Ben Higgins find love with Lauren. I would just like to throw it out there that I was always on team Jojo and the idea of him being in love with two people at once boggled me.  Okay wait, I sorta get it I guess. I mean, I’ve been in love with two people at once before too. But one was always the guy I was dating, and the other was my celebrity crush (hey Joseph Gordon Levitt! And Kit Harington! – I’m single now, so I’m allowed to have two).

So Jojo was left heartbroken, and what’s the best way to deal with heartbreak? Rebounds! And what better form of a rebound than 25 guys trying to win you over? (Where can I sign up to be on the next season?) But Jo, I’m here to help you out this season, you can skip the rest of the rose ceremonies. Jordan is the guy you want. Ignore what the media keeps saying about him. This is your future hubby. He’s got the looks (good genes for future kids), he’s feisty which is a good thing because you’ll never have a dull moment, charming, funny, athletic… I’ve noticed that Luke is also high up on your list of potential finalists but let’s be real here. That southern charm is cool for now, but there will come a point where you’re just going to get bored. Quit while you’re ahead, girl.

Okay okay, I’ll let Jojo decide for herself and if you happen to make the mistake not to pick Jordan, at least send him over my way. Please and thank you.