Happy & Healthy
there you are: pregnant after just three months
Well let me tell ya, my pregnancy was pretty much out of the blue. I had known the guy for hardly three months when I suddenly turned out to be pregnant. I knew that kids weren’t brought in by a stork of course, but this came down pretty hard. We were still getting to know each other in the bedroom when I, smart as I am, decided that we could do it without a condom for once, because I literally had my period two seconds ago. So yeah, smart move. And I should probably not use the word ‘decided’. Let’s just say: it just happened.
So there I was. Pregnant. And seeing as I promised myself to never have another abortion since my first one had been an emotional roller coaster, I figured I should just man up and come to the conclusion that this was just meant to be.
I never really wanted children. Until the first time I got pregnant – which also happened unplanned – and I decided to get an abortion. I’m not sure if I had thoroughly thought it through: all I know is that I didn’t see a future for him and I, let alone our ‘love child’. Raising it all by myself seemed like an impossible task. After I went through with the procedure, the sadness came – partially caused by hormones I guess – and I could see how mesmerizing a little baby could be. Never having to get that experience suddenly seemed like a really bad and unbearable idea.
“Taking care of a little bundle of joy together turns out to be pretty amazing; it connected us from the get go and created an unbreakable bond between us”
Men came and went – feel free to take that literally – and seeing as nobody sticked, I decided to take the next big step before I turned 35. If I couldn’t do it with someone, I would do it alone. A sperm doner with good genes and a good heart: on fleek – Marvin, if you’re reading this, you know who you are (and the whole world knows now too).
And then I was pregnant. Suddenly. By someone I hardly knew, but who turned out to be an amazing guy with a good sense of humor. No, there weren’t any guarantees. But you never have those anyway. There are dudes (and dudettes) that you’ve known for ages and still leave your humble abode after you’ve just given birth, for whatever reason. It was what it was and at least I trusted myself: I would always be there. Better yet, I had been alone long enough to know that I would make ends meet and do just fine.
So now I have a daughter. And a man, the father of my daughter. It’s a dream come true, even though it hasn’t always been easy. You get to know each other in full speed opposed to other relationships – bun in the oven, BAM, baby is born – and your true colors, both good and bad, show up pretty fast. I think I got to know him like the back of my hand in only two years and vice versa, something that might take other couples a decade to figure out. Taking care of a little bundle of joy together turns out to be pretty amazing; it connected us from the get go and created an unbreakable bond between us.
The fact that this ‘just happened’ is a true blessing, otherwise I would probably still be going back and forth in a ‘what if’ scenario – despite the proactive resolutions I was so sure of at the time. It can take years before you reach the point where you and your partner are ready for a baby. Seeing as I had the attention span of a cocker spaniel, nobody ever stood a chance to get to that stage with me – there was always something that I didn’t like about the guy. Only God knows how I’ve been able to stick with this one for so long, but it probably also has to do with the fact that I tend to talk things out first before I make a run for the front door. The last thing you’d want is a divorce, especially when you have a kid together. And what does ready really mean? When do you decide something like that with someone? I’ve seen plenty of friends that kept on dreaming about their Prince Charming, all the while letting their fertile years pass them by to the point where babies were no longer an option.
The thing is, nobody’s perfect – especially not me. You can strive for perfection and work your way towards family expansion for years on end, but a long-lasting relationship, a successful career, a house with a white picket fence and a baby wish aren’t necessarily guarantees for a happy home. It simply starts with love. And perseverance. And the rest will follow. Or not. It’s a matter of trying.
