Happy & Healthy

How do you find the one? Start by asking yourself this important question

Finding your true love isn’t easy. Judging by how often this subject is discussed in convo’s with friends, it’s clear that it is important. By now, most of my loved ones have already found their partners for life, but there are a couple of notorious singles that just can’t seem to find theirs, no matter how badly they want to.

“What am I doing wrong?” a friend of mine whines while she aggressively stirs her coffee to the point that the milk foam almost tips over the edge of the cup. “I have a job, I have a house, I have friends: I don’t need a man!” she then declares. “I want someone who will be a significant addition to my life, otherwise it won’t be worth it,” she adds as I hear the frustration build up in her voice. And then she sums up a list of qualities what her future hubby should have.

I know what’s she’s doing wrong, obviously. She sees the flaws in others, but not in herself. Wearing the wrong pair of pants? Buh bye. No romantic texts? Dunzo. Nobody lives up to her list of expectations. But I can’t help but wonder if her meddling behavior is such a great addition. And if her ongoing work obligations will make it all more fun. And if you’d want to date someone that believes you should be an addition, but that doesn’t need you. Would I – as much as I love her, she’s my friend – date her? Well, no.

“Would you date yourself?”

The American medium and cosmic coach Dougall Fraser (remarkable phenomenon, thanks for this new hobby, May-Britt) knows exactly which important question to ask yourself before you look for a fun other half. This is how he puts it: “Would you date yourself?” He often comes across people in practice that make others responsible for their happiness and that they’re very much focused on what the other has to or should offer them. Instead of this, you should look in the mirror and think of what it is that you have to offer. In short: would you enjoy a date with you? Would you like to get wasted with you? Are you great company to go drink a cup of coffee with? And more?

So, my dear pissed off whining ‘I won’t give myself to another ever again, because someone broke my heart’ friend without a shred of patience: would you date yourself? You wouldn’t, right? There you have it. It’s not easy, I admit (it’s also easy for me to say since I’m in a relationship: I can curse and yell all I want, get fat, demand gifts and attention and make his life a living hell because I already found the one and I don’t have to date anymore), but be honest and critical to and about yourself. It might help you a lot. “All good things come to those that make it happen” is an old cliché, but true nonetheless.

Written by Kalinka Hählen