Fun & Famous

WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR HEAD

when someone likes an Instagram photo of yours from 80 weeks ago

Don’t even try to deny never having stalked someone’s entire Instagram account because everyone does it. I do too, obviously. When you’re on someone’s page who has hundreds of thousands of followers, then you’re safe, but for those who still see their notifications, it can go awfully wrong. I frequently notice people liking something I posted 78 weeks ago and I can’t help but question the following:

– How the heck did you end up there? I always use made up hashtags so it’s not as though you checked the hashtag “Paris” and ended up on my photo. Plus, in all those weeks post that photo, I’ve already posted another million other photos so I’d say there’s about a 0,00000001% chance that that’s how you ended up there.

– It means that someone single handily checked out all 700 of my photos. I decided to give it a shot myself and let me tell you, it took more work than I had imagined.

– Why would you spend so much time scrolling through someone’s feed to just go and hand out only one like to a photo that was taken an eternity ago? Anytime I’m stalking someones account I make damn sure I don’t leave any traces behind.

– Enter the next phase of stalking the person back. Who is this crazy person liking my photos? Is it a guy? Is he good looking? Was the like a flirt? Should I reciprocate the like? Maybe it the start of an extremely romantic episode in which the two of us jet off to the other end of the earth together. Or something along those lines.

– Is it a girl? Who IS it? Oh god, is that my ex’s new fuck buddy? The asshole who dumped me like yesterday’s news for someone else? And she figured out who I was and has decided to dissect everything about me online and throw it in my face that she’s with him now by liking a photo of mine. That bitch! WHO ARE YOU?

– The profile is private. Time for phase 2: the deep research. You copy and paste the name into Facebook, Twitter, Google and everything else you can think of. You need to know who it is. If it’s the last thing on Earth you’ll ever do.

– Nothing. Nada. Zero information found. You blow off some steam and decide to give up. It’s pointless, you’ll never know. Give it up. Sigh. Fucking Instagram.