Traits of a Narcissist: How to Recognize Them (and Protect Yourself)

I know, narcissism is really the buzzword of the moment. But believe me, I’ve witnessed up close a situation where we were not one hundred but a thousand percent sure we were dealing with a narcissist. One of my very best friends, a super-intelligent woman, also fell into the trap of a charismatic narcissist. While I can’t go into the exact details, I have dived into this personality disorder and can perhaps help you recognize all the traits to watch for if you also suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist. Because the signs aren’t always easy to spot. Especially in the beginning, they love-bomb you all over with their fake charisma.

1. An extremely exaggerated sense of self-importance (aka, they play the lead in every story)

Narcissists truly believe they are special. Not just exceptionally nice or smart, no – unique, brilliant, and elevated above the rest. You can tell a ten-minute story about your promotion; they have an even more spectacular story, complete with applause, a conga line, confetti, and a Nobel Prize nomination.

2. They want constant admiration. Always. Everywhere.

A narcissist without attention is like a cappuccino without foam. They need it like oxygen. Whether on social media or in real life, there must be clapping and cheering. No attention? Then they are immediately offended.

3. Grandiosity 24/7

The world revolves around them – them and only them. They dream of endless power, fame, and success. Naturally, it should come to them effortlessly. And you? You’re a supporting character in their self-written bestseller.

4. Traits of a narcissist: MANIPULATION in bold and capital letters.

A narcissist knows exactly which buttons to push. Emotional blackmail? Check. Making you think you’re the crazy one? Check. They are so skilled at gaslighting that afterward, you feel like you should apologize. Um, no. Don’t Run: FLY!!

5. Lack of empathy (and an empty emotional fridge)

Are you crying? You get a pat on the shoulder that feels like it was given by a robot. Narcissists feel little to nothing if it doesn’t concern themselves. Emotional depth simply isn’t there. Or it’s very, very well acted.

6. Unreasonable expectations of others

A narcissist expects you to always be ready for them immediately. Even if you just stepped onto a plane, your mother is going into surgery, or it’s Christmas.

7. Another striking trait: they are intensely addicted to attention and control

Narcissists want to hold the reins. In relationships, friendships, at work – control is key. And if they threaten to lose it? Cue the all-over drama. And the inevitable blame game, which always lands on you.

8. Extremely jealous

Striking, because you might think: “If someone is so full of themselves, why would they be jealous?” Simple. Because everything you have, they want too – and bigger and better. A job, a new car, a vacation? They genuinely believe they deserve it more than you do.

9. Power is everything they want

Power, whether in the kitchen, store, or at work – they want you to do what they want. Always. Power can also be small: dominating the conversation. And if you resist? Expect a storm of criticism.

10. Playfully charming and charismatic, but the mask always falls off

At first, they are so enchanting. You think: “Wow, I’ve never met anyone like this.” True. Because the first part is top-tier acting. Love bombing deluxe. But, slowly you see that charm isn’t real, and there’s something very cold underneath. And honestly, you feel it in your gut. You don’t want to admit it because it was too good. Your soul mate. The partner of your life. Or friend of a lifetime. But deep down, you know, “Something isn’t right.”

Quick recap? Here are the 5 typical habits of a narcissist

• Grandiosity – they feel more important than anyone else.
• Entitlement – they believe rules apply to others, not them.
• Attention-seeking – hungry, dramatic, insatiable.
• Manipulation – always your fault. Always.
• Lack of empathy – emotions? Only if it benefits them.

If you’re now thinking: “Shit, this sounds like my ex, my boss, my partner…” then it’s time to be honest with yourself, or you’ll be stuck in this situation for years. No matter how difficult it is. Set your own boundaries. You can’t change a narcissist, but you can choose yourself.

Source: Psychology Today | Image: Netflix (You) | Prime Video (American Psycho) | HBO (Game of Thrones)