I promised you this week to discuss the do's and don'ts for guests in a restaurant. Serving staff can really miss the mark, but people who are out for the evening can also do their part. What do you think about a man who drinks so much that he vomits everywhere and thinks it's perfectly normal for the waiter to clean it up? Seriously, I've experienced it.

When I used to work in service, I often found myself quite annoyed or even embarrassed for certain guests. A couple that doesn't say anything to each other the entire evening. Gosh, why on earth are you going out to eat then? You might as well stay home and organize a snack in front of the TV.

Just to be clear, before I put my hospitality hat back on, this is my idea of an ideal guest. Here they come:

Do's

– Be sure to give compliments if you are satisfied with something.
‘What a delight’ and ‘thank you for the service’ are really nice to hear.

– It depends a bit on what kind of restaurant you are in, but immediately place your linen napkin on your lap when you sit down. In a café, that’s not necessarily required.

– I understand that it’s very annoying if drinks or sauce spill on you. Especially if it’s your new dress and it’s red wine. It’s difficult, but please remain kind to the staff. Getting angry doesn’t help, because that stain won’t go away. Know that the person who caused the accident feels terrible and will probably lie awake for nights afterward.
Only if the staff is grumpy and you get nothing offered, not even a compensation for the dry cleaner, then you may make a fuss.

– When you are done eating, place your cutlery down as it should be. Neatly side by side with the handles pointing to the right.

– Look at the staff when you are ordering or when something is being served. Always thank them as well.

– If you are very satisfied, show that in the tip. Don’t be stingy.

Don'ts

– When the staff asks if you want something to drink, don’t say: ‘What do you have?’. I find that so silly, you’re not at a friend’s house hanging by the open door of a fridge listing what’s inside. Just say what you feel like, ask for the wine list or - if you really don’t know - ask what someone can recommend.

– Don’t complain about the food if you have eaten everything, EVERYTHING on your plate. Don’t like it? Call the staff over after the first bite.

– Never ask for the name of the staff to then call that name when you want to ask something. Oh, I get chills just thinking about it. Staff are not your possession.

– When you order drinks, don’t say: ‘Just a spa red or something’. That word ‘just’ is really a no-go, and that ‘or something’ at the end is even worse. As if it’s an obligation for you to be sitting there and that you’re reluctantly placing an order.

– Sitting around kissing extensively. Get a room! Okay, okay, I’ve caught myself doing that too, but it’s really not classy. Of course, a little kiss now and then is just fine.

– I think you can take off your painfully high heels a bit under the table, but don’t put your feet on your loved one’s lap. Really not sexy.

– And if you think you can calmly go to the bathroom during the meal, then you should definitely do that. But I would say: make sure you go before the meal, or wait until after the main course.

That was it again. Do you dare to go out to eat with me soon?