Five handsome footballers to remember
That I am now out of the closet as a passionate football hater feels incredibly good. Especially wonderful not to have to come up with excuses anymore to avoid going to such a shitty match (“yeah no I can’t. There ehh, is something being delivered by Ikea. Or something.”). Now, I do believe that in life you should always combine negative things with positive ones, so pay attention, I’m going to say something positive about the World Cup. Namely, there are quite a few handsome men to spot on the field. Ha! And since women are consistently portrayed as objects of desire and are always judged on their appearance (hello sexist highlight) we might as well do that with men. But without further ado, these men are welcome to join us at the breakfast table.
1. Gerard Pique
Yes. This man. Those blue eyes go right through you and that little tuft is just delicious. If you Google him, you’ll quickly come across photos of him and his pregnant beautiful blonde girlfriend, but I just click those away quickly.
2. Sergio Ramos
The Spaniard will appear on stage tonight and that is just great. He has a nice little beard and those eyes have something sweet about them. Not that standard look that shows he won’t get further than “uhhhh yeah well uhhh we were just supposed to win uhhh.” Horrible.
3. Lukas Podolski
This German is a bit of a dilemma. There are photos of him that make you say YES YES YES but also a few that make you say no thanks. The photos with a bare torso definitely fall into the first category, so Lukas can stay on the list.
4. Carlos Bocanegra
An American with Mexican roots, hence this exotic surprise. Tufts are a trend among footballing people and you won’t hear me complain about that at all.
5. Panagiotis Kone
This Greek (with a completely ridiculous name, but that aside) manages an interesting combination of rocker and hipster. The tattoos, the little beard, the shaved hairstyle, and the well-waxed tuft – all equally fine. Moreover, empirical research shows that when Pana (for those in the know) takes off his shirt, there is still definitely no man overboard.
PS: deliberately not included is Christiano Ronaldo. Too boring, too cliché, too slick.
PS2: check Brazil's team well because they have a great menu on the field.
