International dating

“In the Netherlands, you can definitely show up to a date in your sneakers, in London you already have a 10-0 disadvantage,” we heard on Friday night during our first evening in London. I find this fascinating material, the differences between countries and the way people handle dates.

One of my best friends moved to London a year ago, and from her, I have already heard the most delightful stories about grand and captivating dating, drivers picking you up, private rooms in restaurants, and men who always show up in suits. So on Friday night, Jet and I had a dinner appointment with two friends from the Netherlands who moved to London years ago and know the dating scene inside and out. Here are some things we learned:

⁃ When there is a date planned, the man spends a long time preparing. While in Amsterdam we just hop on our bikes and grab a beer somewhere, in London it’s always a big event. Because, as friend 1 told us, you are always busy for three quarters of an hour getting somewhere, so you need to know in advance that the place you’ve chosen is absolutely fantastic.

⁃ The distances here are so incredibly large that you can’t just roll from place A to place B; the route must be thought out and mapped in advance, and the choice of restaurant is therefore linked to what you might want to do after dinner.

⁃ The woman wears heels, has thought about her clothing, and her hair and makeup are in order. The man wears a suit, or the always-good combination of jeans + shirt + jacket + good shoes. No fuss with sneakers or sweaters, you’re in London and they don’t do sneakers or sweaters.

⁃ But, you always read up on the location you’re going to. What should you wear? What not? It’s quite important, so always check with your date where he has exactly planned to go.

⁃ Because that’s also a difference, if you go on a date in Amsterdam, the location is often decided in consultation. Not here, here the man decides. He chooses the restaurant, the café or the club, and he determines the time (which you always let be half an hour later because hey, hello, you need to look vavavoom)

⁃ In line with that, the man pays. It’s medieval, of course, and devoid of any emancipatory intentions, but the man pays, for everything. Definitely the first date, but the London man finds it hard to accept that women earn their own money and may not want to be totally dependent on him. I once dated a guy like that years ago, and he saw it as an insult when I paid the bill. Something about an attack on his ego. Drama queen.

⁃ And finally, don’t expect to end the evening with your British hunk in a tacky place like a party café. As can sometimes happen in Amsterdam if the date goes well. Wild dancing is, however fun, really not on the agenda.