After working in the hospitality industry for seven years, I am no longer surprised by anything. A woman peeing on the floor in the middle of the restaurant, a man throwing up under the table, a marital argument that gets out of hand in public, or a couple that goes a bit further than just a little fondling under the table, a little dog for which I have to cut a plate of food. I still occasionally share stories like that. Like the time I dropped a mega thick blob of mayo in someone's bag (and didn't dare to say anything), red wine over a beautiful dress, or that time I fell flat on my face on a crowded terrace.

Today I'm going to talk about silly or funny things you often hear when you work in service.
The phrase: ‘It was delicious, did you cook all of that yourself?’ is probably meant to be funny, but when you hear it often enough, you feel like saying: ‘No dude, of course not, I'm in service, duh.‘.
This is also one of those recurring ‘jokes’: ‘Wow, even more dishes!’ when I come to clear the table. Wow, are you wearing your funny pants? Or when I ask: ‘Sir, how would you like your steak?’ and you get the answer ‘Well, on a plate please.’ Jeez, I mean well done, medium or rare, crazy!
Once I was serving oysters at a fancy party.
‘Oh, that always makes me so horny,’ said a guy ‘eye doctor from Aardenhout,’ when I stood in front of him with my heavy tray. That time I couldn't hold back and said: ‘Well sir, then I'll stay very far away from you tonight.’ He looked offended too.
Not annoying, but funny are people who mispronounce dishes. Just remember: it's vitello toNATO, not vitello toMATO. And you say caesar salad, not cézar salad. And it's also tal-yatelle, not tak-li-a telli.
Can I continue for a moment?
‘Do you also have a red Chardonnay?’ for example. Red Chardonnay does not exist.
Or: ‘What is all of that for me?’ when I come to the table with a huge basket of cheeses. ‘No dude, unless you feel like five kilos of cheese, but you did order this: ‘cheese platter, choice of 5 pieces of cheese.’.
Someone once asked me if I could cut his herring into pieces, which seems totally ridiculous to me, unless someone has no arms or a denture. Look, I prepare a steak tartare for you at the table and I can fillet a fish within a minute while you watch, but you can cut a little herring yourself too?
By the way, I've also often experienced that people completely panicked when I placed a steak tartare in front of them. They often think they will get a regular cooked tartare. That's why you usually ask when people order it: ‘You do know it's raw beef, right?’
‘Very silly is of course the remark: ‘Are you also on the dessert menu?’
But I must honestly say, if it was a really cute guy, I might shout: ‘Definitely after closing time!’