LIESBETH’S RARITIES CABINET

PETER JAN RENS, THE BOOK PRESENTATION

Guys, last Wednesday was a very special day. Because after weeks immersing myself in the ups and downs of Peter Jan Rens Wednesday was the moment I finally got to meet the man in person. The book presentation of his novel Ollie took place in Amsterdam and of course I was there.

Together with two other PJR fans, we had been having a blast on Facebook for days and the anticipation was through the roof. The event started at 15:30 and as I park my bike and walk to the store, I see Woedende Bruid (Virginia) and Weerloze Baby (Djelisa) smoking a cigarette on the doorstep. Virginia, that is, Weerloze Baby is just tagging along at this stage of her life. Anyway. Once inside, there’s no sign of the book Ollie because, as it turns out, the books aren’t there yet! “They left Arnhem too late,” Monique Burger, the owner of De Nieuwe Boekhandel, the place where the spectacle took place, tells me. Well, that’s a great start, a book presentation without books.

After a short wait, big men storm into the store with square boxes in their hands where tadadadada the books are inside. Meanwhile, Peter Jan Rens is busy acting very important. He poses for the camera, makes some jokes, and mostly pretends that 80% of the attendees is not just here for schadenfreude. By the way, there aren’t many people here, I count at most 10 real fans, some family, and quite a bit of press.

And then the official moment begins. A particularly hefty man with a big beard and a three-piece suit that he’s almost bursting out of takes the microphone. It turns out he’s not a rabbi (which we all thought) but the publisher of the book. Right. ‘When I first read this book, there was one word that immediately came to mind: emotion“ [he now lets a meaningful silence fall] ”emotion and feeling. It’s really a beautiful novel, I’ve read it twice.“ Then some empty blabla words until Peter takes the floor. He is very proud to be here and emphasizes once again that the book, which is based on the life of his spastic friend Pieter, is not about pity. And then a video starts where we see Peter together with Pieter. In that video, we see PJ getting a call from Humberto Tan (so coincidental!) and that’s the moment to confirm once again that Virginia is not pregnant again, as De Telegraaf claimed that morning. The severely spastic Pieter is sitting there loudly and PJ shouts 10 times that he’s really a very good guy, ”even though he’s as spastic as a door.“ One might wonder how spastic doors usually are, but this must be a metaphor that only true literary talents understand.

After the video, he says that everyone can take a photo with him and that he will “uh, what was it again, oh yeah sign or something.” And so we do that. For €14.95 I buy a copy and have it signed for “Elisabeth” because I’m afraid of revenge from his camping bride. Very cowardly, I know.

Furthermore, the couple absolutely wants to leave no doubt that Virginia is really not pregnant. When the Powned crew arrives with a pregnancy test, Virginia doesn’t hesitate for a moment and pees right over the stick, after which she triumphantly holds it up. Come on PJ next to her so everyone can pay attention again because this is a photo moment. As if it were an Olympic medal, they hold that test up together, baby in arm, posing for the cameras. It’s a strange spectacle.

You know, I’m a bit done with Peter Jan and Virginia. It was fun while it lasted but when I stood there and saw the misery up close, it gave me a bit of a dirty feeling. Especially because of Weerloze Baby, that poor child didn’t choose to be born in these hysterical circumstances . The book is so grotesquely ugly published that I’m not sure if I will ever read it, but I will certainly make an attempt.

Finally: Peter Jan, thanks for all the entertainment, we had fun with you.