Office prose

The 7 most meaningless marketing terms

Liesbeth and I have a ‘language thing’. I immediately admit that I make at least 17 typos every day. The result of fairly poor eyesight (chicken-like) and wanting to do seven things at once.

But here at the editorial office, we suffer from oxygen deprivation when we receive press releases with sentences like ‘none other than flatsie floefie’ opened the evening. Think of something new, we shout. ‘Creative octopus’ is also a description that deserves a firm corrective slap from the teacher. Or ‘I mention a’ followed by the name Kate Moss. ‘I mention a Kate Moss’. Why? Are there more Kate Mosses then? Anyway, that's a little irritation point here.

But there is something else that makes me cringe. And I immediately admit it. I worked for a wonderfully nice publishing house before, but there were also some types who received a bit too much marketing milk from their mothers, resulting in their own language. In case you are not able to understand the language (good sign!), I will give you text and explanation.

Rolling out

Anyone who uses the word ‘rolling out’ can stand in the corner for fifteen minutes as far as I'm concerned. The word ‘rolling out’ is often stuck to the sentence ‘who is going to...?’ which makes the person using the u-word come across as particularly responsible but parks the task, hop, with their colleague.

Monitizing

Also something with which you particularly well ‘secure’ your responsibility (yes, yes, I'm totally into it. ‘Securing’ I will discuss shortly). “How are we going to monitize that?” This indicates that you are aware that mapping (ugh) the results is particularly important and there you have it, the white foot with your supervisor has been achieved. You haven't earned a dime for that boss yet, but that's probably also a middle manager, so it might not matter.

360 degrees

Many companies are not digital but do know that this is important. By often, loudly and hard shouting that ‘we’ need to ‘360 degrees’, you indicate that this is a ‘focus point’ and it won't be your fault. But the digital idea, we haven't received that yet, have we?

Silos up, silos down

A term that has been floating around in the corporate world for thirty years and no one really knows what it means. I certainly don't. If I understand it correctly, this means that large companies have sub-departments that are so large that they have their own interests and rules. Within the company, a silo arises. Or multiple silos. Sometimes it is good to have different rules (very good, silos up) but sometimes the common interest is greater and all silos need to go ‘down’.

Feedback, switching, looping, communicating through, keeping on a leash

Mainly a lot of meetings, moving back and forth and moving air. I meet, therefore I exist, something like that.

The piece and the event

A ‘piece’ of publicity. Or, even better, ‘a piece of pr-event’. Please.

Borgen

How is this secured? How is it ensured that everything that has been agreed upon is also realized? That is what it means. And now I would really like to hear from these people what has been agreed upon. Just an idea. Something concrete.

Would that be possible, people?