THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A FASHION GIRL SAY

As you may have read here and there you may have noticed or read, we have established a branch in New York. We are temporarily residing in a pretty manageable loft on Park Avenue but while I write this, we have set up another small office on the terrace of The Standard, Meatpacking District. It's Paris Hilton on the left, Rodrigo Otazu on the right, and The Blonde Salad in the middle, which inspired us immensely to write this piece. Because we are over-the-moon-intensely-happy-and-tingling-with-pleasure, but showing that is SO not done for a fashion girl. And the list of things you won't hear from a fashion girl's mouth is long.

Everyone who thinks about fashion is basically thin. There is a thin-thinner-thinnest hierarchy where the models (because duh) are the thinnest, the people working in fashion (think stylists, casting directors, head dressers) are reasonably thin, and top bloggers and some fashion people (because hey, Suzy Menkes and Glenda Bailey are not exactly a size zero) are normally thin. Carbohydrates are definitely not on the menu and the word ‘bread’ was last spoken in 1998.

Fashion girls are busy, busy, BUSY. Even when they are not busy, they are busy thinking about the busyness of yesterday or the upcoming busyness of tomorrow, and just the thought of it is quite busy.

See point 1. Anyone who matches the words ‘fashion’ and ‘jeans’ (Suzy and Glenda would NEVER buy a pair of jeans, not at all). Especially during fashion week, a lot of running around happens and calorie intake is minimal (of champagne and vodka doesn't count) so that jeans size only gets smaller.

Rule 1 in fashion. Never say you don't have an invite. Say you have another appointment with an important investor who has an intense interest in you/ that the designer showed you the collection yesterday and that it now feels a bit like old news, so sorry/ that you have three shows at the same time and you just have to choose in life.

See 1 and see 3, bread is enemy number one in the fashion world.

Wake up, dudes. Hellooo? It's about the big seeing and being seen. I'm being photographed so I exist, remember?

Not eating is one thing, admitting it is another. So if someone offers you something, your answer is: “oh no thanks, I had a big breakfast yesterday morning so I'm still okay. But you go ahead and have some!”

Fashion girls actually like nothing. Never. Unless it’s something very ‘refreshing’ that contributes to your image. Of all fashion weeks, fashion girls like New York the least. Too commercial, too warm in September, too cold in February, too many bloggers. It's a big, dull misery. What are we even doing here?!

You don't say. You don't do. You don't think. Choose safety. Nothing is fun until the opposite is proven multiple times. Positive emotions are NOT for fashion people. Anything ‘fun’ has got to go. Period.

‘Having’ is so not responsible. It's not about having and what you want to wear, it's about what it means for fashion. And art. And that kind of stuff.

Rest is for losers, you are the most important person on earth, very high profile, you just don’t do ‘calm’.