5 REASONS

Why you should gossip more

Evenings filled with wine and wild stories always ended my friend S.“s with the words: ”I have to stop gossiping now or else I might get into an accident or something as punishment.”

I once read an interview with Daphne Bunskoek who talked about how tempting gossiping is, but how you always feel so empty and guilty after such an evening. It doesn't have to be that way, as shown in a delightful article from Quest where various psychologists explain why gossiping is so good for you. And I’ll add some tips from my own experience.

It has brought us out of the jungle

Yes, you may laugh now, but it is true. Just like monkeys, humans spend 20% of their time on social interaction. Monkeys do this by grooming each other, we do it by talking to each other. Because you can reach a maximum of 80 others by grooming, monkeys stay in relatively small groups. We ‘groom’ with language. We exchange information about others, potential friends, possible enemies. Because we can reach many more people and gain much more knowledge, we dared to leave the jungle for the larger open plains.

It creates a bond

When you share something with someone, it strengthens your bond. It’s also good in the workplace if there is a collective enemy. For example, your competitor or that annoying manager. It strengthens the group and can even lead to friendships. You must be consistent in your gossiping behavior. If you gossip about one person with one person and about another person with another, it makes you unreliable.

Gossip is knowledge

Gossip is often seen as negative, but that’s not entirely correct. Two scientists studied 194 gossip conversations and found that only 27% of the conversations had a negative tone. Positive were also 27% of the conversations and the rest was neither distinctly negative nor positive. Gossiping is also a form of exchanging information and seeing how you relate to the rest of the group.

It gives you insight

When I was younger and came to my boyfriend with work issues, his reaction was immediately: “Quit your job.” Or with girlfriend troubles: “End the friendship.” Men have a much smaller need for gossip; when they express something, they immediately take action. We women often need to talk about the same situation seven times to clarify what we actually think about it. Gossiping is our everyday psychoanalysis. Gossip protects you.

The age at which we start gossiping is around ten years old. I remember that during high school, I only wrote notes with friends, and when we got home from school, we would call each other. It was mainly about boys, but also about other girls and annoying teachers. According to science, this gossiping behavior is to be encouraged. It helps you position yourself in relation to a group and moreover, you are warned of danger. Stories about that girl who was raped because a boy put drugs in her drink protect others.

Gossiping, in short, is not so bad after all. To live with a clear conscience, I apply the following gossip criteria.

Do not gossip about your loved ones and dear ones.

1. Only communicate things that you would, if it really had to, dare to say to that person yourself.
2. Try not to judge. If people do things somewhat differently, I prefer to see it as entertaining and astonishing rather than reprehensible. Who am I to have an opinion about that?.
3. Evenings filled with wine and wild stories always ended my friend S.'s with the words: “I have to stop gossiping now or else I might get into an…