PEOPLE, THERE ARE RULES ON FACEBOOK.
After being hardly on Facebook for over three weeks (Rio himself was just a bit more interesting than the average status update) I am now fully back and back in business. And that, that immediately brings a hefty load of irritations. I have been navigating between intense hate and a bit of love for Facebook for a while, I am jealous of people who are brave enough to step away but I know in the meantime that I could never do without it, if only because I can no longer spy on anyone. Since more people are turning purple with frustration after a round through their feed, we here at the editorial office called out our biggest annoyances, share them with you and sincerely hope that Facebook will become a bit more fun again. Here we go.
Excessive emotional fuss
At number 1 with a bullet. We really feel very terrible for you if your grandma has passed away. Or when Poekie the Cat has finally passed away in her sleep after 25 years, or Hendrik the Dog unfortunately got hit by a car and thus had to leave this life. Really, my animal heart is bigger than is good for me but even I can't handle that kind of updates. Really seen: people who posted a farewell speech for their pet. Or someone who slammed a funeral speech on there. I mean, those kinds of things are intimate and private and moreover not suitable for catching virtual likes and karma points. Stop it now.
Declarations of love that make our teeth ache
This happens especially a lot on Instagram (check the account of Dré Hazes Junior for a moment, you won't believe what you're experiencing) but Facebookers can do it too. Posting a photo of you and your beloved and then a small epistle full of vomit texts about why he or she is the one true love of your life and makes you soooo intensely happy every day again #blessed. Just say this to each other. Send each other a letter, a WhatsApp or if you really want to do it via Facebook, make it a private message, but don't bother the rest of the world with it, thank you kindly.
Busloads of vacation photos
The time when you posted every vacation or weekend away in vivid detail on Facebook is over. We did that in the early days of Facebook when we didn't quite know what to do with this new way of showcasing our own persona, but now, now I roll my eyes enormously when you upload an album with your super duper awesome vacation trip. Just don't do it anymore. Sure, an occasional photo is fine, but those albums, that's where it goes wrong.
Child photos
Super unfair for everyone that I can upload photos of my cat and you can't of your children, but The Internet has simply decided that cats are more fun than children so deal with it. Nobody wants to see your toddler smeared with spinach. Or your toddler with poop up to his neck. Nobody!
Liking photos from 5 years ago again
People do this very often, liking or reacting to something from a long time ago so that that post or photo appears again in your newsfeed. It can sometimes be fun, if it's a very embarrassing photo, but actually, it's always just very annoying. I don't want to see that stuff from a million years ago again and if you're looking for a moment to showcase your coolness from way back, then just go to Instagram and do a #TBT.
Book-length status updates
There is someone in May's feed who posts the entire email her daughter studying abroad sends her at least once a week on Facebook. Seriously, how?! Or people who think they are writing a very funny and well-written story with a strong punchline. It's often neither strong nor punchy. You can best summarize them as types who think they are writing a very nice piece and believe that it could be a perfect me-you for in the NRC. But they're so wrong. So so wrong.
