9 THINGS MEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SEX

I remember Are you staring at men with sculpted bodies in the gym? Stop it, because these kinds of creatures lead to a worse... once publishing a research paper stating that women wouldn’t mind roughening up their sex-life. Just a bit more unrefined. So while we’re on the subject anyway, let’s get things going with a few sex lessons. Are we awake now gentlemen?

The clitoris is not a stain that needs to be scrubbed out of the carpet.

An orgasm isn’t a must

A trimmed bush is fine. Chopping it down might be a bit extreme so let’s go for a two-day beard.

Take your time. In other words take more than a few minutes before you ask us: “Are you coming? Are you coming?” We’re not a Nespresso-machine that produces a cappuccino at the press of a button.

Foreplay might be an old-fashioned word but two minutes of kissing our legs or massaging our feet will make it well worth your while, a payback with hot steamy sex.

Socks go off first. Nothing and I mean nothing is more unattractive than a naked man in socks.

We’ll tell you everything to our friends the following morning or the moment you close your sex-drowsed eyes. Don’t worry, we’re not laughing at you (well maybe just at that little giggle you make when you come), it’s all about female bonding, elaborating on the insight of where we stand in life.

Don’t keep asking us if we like it. You’ll notice, if you keep asking you’d better start asking yourself some important questions or is this too cryptic for you?

A clean, or at least made up bed goes a long way. So will a cup of tea and a bowl of fruit in the morning. No eggs and bacon for us please. You might need to restock some protein, but we have a killer body to maintain.