The 7 types of shoes every woman

(PAINFULLY) SHOULD SAY GOODBYE TO

Give a girl the right shoes and they can conquer the world. These are the wise words of Marilyn Monroe, a woman close to my heart. Maybe I took her words a bit too seriously, because by now I am convinced that I need all my over a hundred pairs of shoes to ‘conquer the world’.

From pumps to ankle boots, from slingbacks to mules, from designer pieces to H&M footwear; everything that is high-heeled and colorful has caught my attention in recent years. And. So. It. Had. To. Come. Home. And be displayed in the shoe cabinet. The extra beautiful pair obviously got a prominent spot in the winners' section. The less successful purchases had to settle for a dusty spot at the bottom. And today I stand in front of my shoe cabinet weighing my options for the right pair of the day, and now it finally dawns on me. Why don’t I actually wear so many heels?!

After a deep psychoanalysis of my footwear, I come to a painful conclusion: there are always a number of sad pairs left untouched in the cabinet. And so it is time to (sniff) get rid of them. Okay, I grab my tissues and start the task of tasks. You will receive the mourning card soon by post.

Are you also in need of a big shoe clean-up? Then these are the pairs that will be the first to go into Max's bag:

The sitting shoe

Only women could have really come up with the term sitting shoes. These shoes are also really very beautiful. But walking in them? That suddenly becomes a complicated story. And that’s why they actually only sit in the cabinet for those special occasions. And even then, you hardly ever wear them.

The stinky shoe

I don’t even think I need to explain this one. The plastic pair that can really only be kept hermetically sealed in a bag at the back of the shed. Just throw it away.

The I-have-never-worn-it-and-will-not-do-so shoe

Or: the mistake purchase shoe. That purple one with a white dotted heel and green crocodile print seemed really nice (on a brown foot on vacation…). But here in the Netherlands? Nah.

The shoe you loved too much And where that is also visible

The sole is coming off, the nail has gone through the heel four times already and even the cobbler has given up hope. It’s painful, but it’s over.

The ugly shame shoe

You probably bought this shoe on a very bad day. Probably also abroad. You were shopping, you couldn’t walk anymore in your heels and your partner probably said: ‘Just buy something cheap that you can walk comfortably in.’ Those poor shoes have never seen the light of day after purchase.

The porn shoe

Secretly also my favorite category. You bought these shoes during carnival, in a drunken mood, or when your partner was on vacation for a long time and you wanted to fill the feeling of lack of attention with a new purchase.

This shoe is so blood ordinary that you always laugh about it with friends. Except maybe in the bedroom, you dare not take a step further with it. And rightly so.

The false shoe

Oh, this is such a nasty false shoe. You only have to look at it and you’re already falling flat on your face. They are stunningly beautiful, but at the same time also the cause of a number of Great Shame Stories. We give May and her ridiculously beautiful Dolce’s one more chance...

Tip: can’t quite say goodbye to your once beloved shoes? Then definitely don’t throw them away, there are still plenty of cool things to do with them! Your most beautiful sitting shoe can for example look lovely under a dome as a decorative object. Or take a cue from Monique des Bouvrie: collect old shoes, spray them all in one color and place them in a glass container. You don’t have to mourn completely for your old loves, ideal!

Written by Kiki Düren

Photography: Rob van de Vlierd