Tip for the Dutch tourist
As you may have read (here for example and here and here) I was in France last week. And when you say France, you also say a bit of the Netherlands because we still head towards tartines and confiture with a string of one and a half million.
On the highway, I came up with a new anti-boredom game. Every caravan with a Dutch license plate driven by a man in a short-sleeved checkered shirt scored a point. Additional points could be earned by spotting a Dutch woman in shorts and a T-shirt, men in zip-off pants, and men in Birkenstocks. Women in Birkenstocks or flip-flops also earned points.
Let me first state that I find many Dutch men and women attractive. We always think that French and Italian women are the most charming of all, but on average, almost every Dutch woman is at least a 7.5 on the beauty scale. That's not the issue. It's that practicality that bothers my fashion eye, and there, dear people, is something to be done.
1. Rock your shorts
It's fine that you want to wear shorts on vacation (although a skirt is a better idea for almost everyone), but please don't wear them halfway up your thigh; cut them off just below the butt. Do you think you can't pull it off? Trust me, then that pair you had was also a very bad idea, and I recommend a long skirt.
2. Shirt in your pants
Another thing the Dutch have a patent on: shirt over their pants. Don't do it. It may feel comfortable, but it looks so incredibly... practical. And practical is so incredibly... not hip. Tuck your shirt into your pants, or even better; tuck the front in and let the rest hang over. And let your man read this piece too.
3. An accent can never hurt
French women also wear shorts, but it always looks a lot more cheerful. Why? Because they follow the above fashion rules and always finish their look with a little belt or a scarf used as a belt.
4. No flip-flops but sandals
Aside from Birkenstocks, I find flip-flops also teetering on the lower limit. Buy a nice pair of sandals or espadrilles; they look just a bit more polished. Unless you buy the Chanel flip-flops, those are allowed by the fashion police.
5. Roll up your shirt
Dear, nice, Dutch men. A short-sleeved shirt is Not Allowed. Roll up your long shirt, wear a T-shirt, go naked for all I care. Anything is better than short sleeves. A checkered pattern should only be on your camping table.
6. Ban on Bermuda shorts
The only wish I have for Bermuda shorts is that they end up in the namesake triangle and disappear. Even worse than Bermuda shorts for women are Bermuda shorts for men. Especially that model that has been around for so many summers and is a bit faded and saggy. No. And those zip-off pants. Unless you're going camping, that thing needs to go in the trash. Look at those nice fresh beach boys for short inspiration or just choose a long model in a light fabric. That's just as cool.
I'll be back on the beach of Ramatuelle next year, and for every checkered blouse and discarded zip-off pants handed in, I'll pour a glass of rosé. Deal? Deal!
