Fun & Famous

baby cakes, doll face, turd…

7 nicknames you should never call your man

“Don’t forget to do the groceries, baby cakes.” I can just hear my friend X say this to her boyfriend. And I can feel my skin start to crawl when she does it. Baby cakes. If you ever hear me calling my bf baby cakes, feel free to slap me in the face. Or take away 10 pairs of my shoes.

Luckily I’ve got our entire office to back me up and there are a few nicknames we all find hysterical for men. They’re intended to be sweet evidently, but for some reason they’re take away from someone’s masculinity. The worst? Here you go:

1. Baby cakes

See the above mentioned story from my friend X. Baby cakes. It sounds so exaggerated. Like you’re part of a horrible sorority. “What’s up baby cakes?” It sounds degrading. Don’t do it.

2. Knock-out

Same rule applies hier. Don’t do it. Plus, it’s waaaay to 80’s.

3. Doll face

Here’s another name that sounds degrading. It makes me think of some dirty old man with a tacky accent “HEEEEEY DOLL FACE”. Abort. Don’t use if for your friends/man/lover. Not cool.

4. Turd…

“Heeeeey little turd of mine.” Do you really think your lover is going to feel sexy when you call him that?

5. Booboo/Honey bear/Pookie

Might sound cute when the two of you are on your own. Not when his friends are around.

6. Fatty/Chubby

In the category meh. Guys have feelings too. Imagine if he called you fatty? All hell would probably break loose.

7. Something dirty/sexual

Okay, someone at the office seriously just threw the nickname ‘the bone ranger’ into the mix. Apparently people use this. More names in the category awful: Blinky Bill or Pimp Daddy. Seriously, I can’t handle this.

So what does work?

Something that’s unique for the two of you. And just incase that falls in the category ‘love muffin’, never ever tell anyone. Keep it for your uh, sugar pie.